Posts tagged Kilian’s Epic Failure as a Writer

A Brief Plea for Help

267 days

by kilian in Random Normality

Assuming this missive reaches any out there in the ether known as the interwebz, I humbly submit the following request.

Let’s say, hypothetically, that I was taking part in a sort of social experiment. Said experiment is cheifly populated by writers, and readers, and possibly writers who read, and maybe even readers who write from time to time. As part of this experiment I am given some amount of “space” to present certain bits of information about myself such as:

Favorite Font: Century Gothic
Favorite Place to Write: Does this hypothetical place serve coffee?
Favorite Place to Read: Anywhere, really, because I often find myself reading even when to do so is seen as rude by others

(more…)

I will now share my epic failure with all of you.

1379 days

by kilian in General Nerdom

Longtime (well, not so long…) Normalinauts are aware of my second job, and what a wonderful job it is. And even though I’ve come to oddly enjoy the routine anal cavity searches, after seven years, I’m finding less and less reasons as to why I still work there (oh yeah, I know you’re reading this ms. love, but I know you know it’s nothing personal…).

One reason that I stuck around was an interesting…stunt?…the company was trying. As one who has a perfectly good fantasy novel sitting around, I was intrigued, you might say, at the prospect of getting it published in such a way that 500 bookstores across the country would all have it prominently displayed (and, no doubt, have some sort of “contest” related to the selling of said book).

Instead of selecting my book, the powers that be have decided to publish something called “The Killer of Orchids.” Sound good? Well, take a look at the synopsis that appears in the official press release:

“The Killer of Orchids,” follows two amateur sleuths, Xander Pooka, an 11-year old boy who is bright-beyond-his-years, and Jeff Redwing, a single, gay computer genius, as they investigate the murder of two local men by a samurai. Their investigation leads them into an underground ring where murder is the game and they become the hunted.

Maybe I’m just bitter, seeing as how my book was passed over, but doesn’t that synopsis seem like a joke or a bad SNL sketch. But my guess is that this thing makes it onto the New York Time’s Bestseller list. If everyone and his brother would read something as bad as The Da Vinci Code (which is probably one of the three worst books I’ve ever had the misfortune of reading) then no doubt “The Killer of Orchids” will find a large audience.

And if my novel lost to that, well then, what does that say about my writing?

The one small piece of information that I take solace in is that the winning novel will not be published until quarter 1 of 2009…by that time, Border’s may not, in fact, exist as a company anymore…