Posts tagged Blues Brothers

When you’re sitting on your couch wearing nothing but your underwear because it’s so damn hot that your’re sweating so much anything more than just a pair of boxers sticks to your skin like duct tape, do you really want to watch a movie where heat plays an important role?  No, of course you don’t.  But, hey you gotta pass the lazy Sunday afternoons of June/July/August somehow, so why not waste some of that time with one of the following, kilian approved, summer viewing movies.

To be clear, the following movies are not, repeat not, “films.”  This is pure popcorn fair meant to help stave off the inevitable doldrums that creep up when the temperature begins to rise. But, of course, this list is also not about big budget summer films either. My hope is that you haven’t seen one or two of these and, so might fill an afternoon here or there.

Black Belt Jones

If Shaft and Bruce Lee’s retarded cousin had a torrid love affair, Black Belt Jones would be the result. This movie is, possibly, the worst kung-fu and exploitation film ever made, all rolled into one! What more could you ask for, really, in summer entertainment. Plus, Black Belt Jones, at one point, fights a gang of ruffians in a car wash.

Death Bed

If you’re a Patton Oswalt fan, then you might already be familiar with this little gem. If not, well let me be the first to tell you that you have not lived…that’s right, have not lived…until you see “Death Bed, The Bed That Eats.” In case you don’t quite get the concept, it goes like this…there’s a bed, that is possessed with a demon, that eats people and oozes a sort of yellow foam for some reason. Also, at one point the Death Bed eats a guy’s hand…well, all the flesh off his hand…he still has a skeleton hand. Rather than scream in agony, as one might reasonably do in that situation, this guy takes a few quiet, contemplative moments to consider his predicament before dying.

Army of Darkness

I’m willing to bet that nearly everyone reading this is at least familiar with Army of Darkness. I would be remiss, however, in not including it in any list of films to watch. Tengu and I have a long standing argument over what is the most quotable movie of all time…and while I do love Big Trouble in Little China, this is my list so Army of Darkness gets the nod. If you haven’t seen it…good god!…go rent it, right now!

One Crazy Summer

OK, so I wasn’t going to make this a list of “movies about summer” but I had to throw in the best movie ever made about a summer. It stars John Cusack. Right there, that’s good enough for any film. It’s also a film that features both Bobcat Goldthwait and Demi Moore. Plus, the little screaming girls are awesome. And, it ends with a sailboat race.

Mean Machine

No doubt, you are all familiar with The Longest Yard…both crappy, Burt Reynolds original, and really crappy Adam Sandler remake. What you might not be aware of, however, is that there was a good remake done in England starring Vinnie Jones and since it is also set in England, crappy American football was replaced with awesome Proper Football. Also, Jason Statham plays a psychotic goalie.

Blues Brothers

I’m willing to admit that Mean Machine up there is a cheater title, but since not a lot of people on this side of the Atlantic have seen it, it’s only a slightly cheating one. Blues Brothers, of course, is a completely cheating title in that every right thinking person has seen it. But, this is a truly personal choice on my part. You see, I spent the summer between 8th and 9th grades watching the Blues Brothers…everyday…often two or three times. At one point I could recite 95% of the lines in time with the movie. It’s got awesome musical numbers featuring Aretha Franklin, James Brown, Ray Charles and even Cab Calloway. Plus, it has the single greatest speech ever delivered on film (and a pretty decent car chase shortly thereafter).

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