Why the fuck didn’t I know that Brian K Vaughn (yes THAT Brian K Vaughn, and that one too…) was brought on to the writing team for Lost at the end of last season?

Where the hell have I been?

What inane bullshit have I been doing instead of worshiping at the newest shrine consecrated in the holy and sacred religion of “Vaughnomism”?

As that bastion of entertainment news, the New York Times, has reported, today the WGA is supposed to announce whether or not its members will begin a strike on November 1.

Now I like writers, having aspirations in that field, and I generally like shows that have good writing. When you get right down to it, writing is the foundation on which any good film or TV series is built.

But after coming across this…for lack of a better word…abomination, I have to wonder if the strike wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

Seriously, what was the thought process behind this show, Viva Laughlin.

“So I have a good idea for a show. Let’s take that crappy show set in Vegas, you know, what’s it called…the one so good that they moved it to Fridays…oh, right Las Vegas. So let’s take that, move it to an even crappier town, and then stock it full of contrived characters that sound like they came out a 6th rate Raymond Chandler knockoff.”

Ripley Holden?!

Nicky Fontana!?

Seriously, these are your character names. Why not just go with Cool Hero, and Evil Villain.

If this is what “professional” writers are coming up with, then clearly the ranks of TV writers need to be culled.

You know, I might not care so much if this were on, like FX or TBS, or some other cable station. If it were, then I’d assume this show did not take itself too seriously and it might actually work (take, Monk, for example which is AWESOME!). But, oh no, Viva Laughlin is on CBS, at 8 PM on Sundays! What the hell is a broadcast station giving an hour of primetime to this crap for!

And Laughlin!

Seriously!

I haven’t been there in about a decade, and hopefully I’ll never return. I don’t care how many fucking Starbucks and P.F. Chang’s it boasts. At it’s core, it’s still a place old ladies go to play nickel slots!

Shit, I can already tell that I’ve written stuff way better than this show and I haven’t even seen the show. Plus, I’m not a good writer. Everyone involved in Viva Laughlin should be officially blackballed, as of this moment, and never allowed to set foot in either California or New York ever again.

As any faithful reader should know, Gilgrim and April are “expecting” in the biblical sense.

So as the fateful day approaches, I thought it wise to regail the happy couple (and, by default, anyone reading this) with a bit of wisdom gained from 14 months of parenthood. And that bit of wisdom:

Parenthood ages you like nobody’s business!

On Thursday, I was having a rousing e-mail discussion with Mojo of Poor Mojo’s “various sundrys” about the ridiculousness of housing, particularly in the Golden State when said Mojo ended one of his replies with “tyvm.”

Now I was never up on the netspeak, but I could usually figure out crap like that, back in the day, say a year and a half ago, when I still felt some “connection” to the kids.

But that “tyvm” was so totally perplexing to me that I had to have Mojo translate. That’s how sadly out of touch I am.

Then came the weekend. MTV was playing a “So You Think You Can Dance” season 2 marathon all day Saturday and Sunday. Now I didn’t watch every single minute of the thing, but I certainly watched a lot more of it than, say, is healthy.

One minute to digress….let it be emphatically said that I do not, nor does my wife, or anyone even remotely connected to my house, watch Dancing with the Stars. The difference between the two shows might seem negligible to some. But one has B and C level celebrities with no appreciable appititude to dance or any dance related activity barely scraping through routines set to horribly contrived “renditions” of terrible songs that should in know way ever be accompanied by choreography. The other has actual, skilled DANCERS, performing actual DANCING, choreographed by good choreographers and accompanied by appropriate music. Can you guess which is which? Now, you may not appreciate dance, as is certainly your right. But my wife danced for 15 years, and it’s something that is taken seriously in our house (though, maybe not as seriously as, say, baseball or Premier League Football).

Do I think it is possible I would have watched so much “So You Think You Can Dance?” before I had a kid….well, I suppose anything is possible. But it certainly would have been highly improbable. Now….? The evidence speaks for itself.

So, be wary innocent expecting couple. You will find many changes occurring in your lives soon. Not all of them will sit well with the image you have of your former self.

Let me run down for you a “schedule,” if you will, of my typical Monday night.

I generally get home between 5:30 and 6 and get started on dinner. After everyone’s eaten, me and the wife spend 45 minutes or so playing with the daughter before it’s time for her bath/getting ready for bed/reading a book to her/her going to sleep. After that (now around 8:30) I spend 30 minutes or so with the wife talking (because we really don’t see each other much) before turning my attention to homework for 3 or 4 hours before I pass out from exhaustion.

That doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for television viewing.

Thankfully, I’ve got one of those nifty DVR’s (I love you Time Warner!) for all my television recording needs. Monday is an especially important night because I’m a big supporter of all things Heroes (the wife really likes Journeyman, which is pretty solid and it’s set in my adopted hometown of San Francisco, so I’m compelled to watch) .

Last night, I was supposed to be writing a paper. Forces conspired to make this impossible. Forces, in this case, referring to my wife being forced to work late for some “budget related” reasons that necessitated in me picking up the daughter from day care (day care, mind you, in Lake Forest, and I work in Hemet…). But that, as you might guess (or, might not, whatever) meant that the wife and I had to switch cars, since her car has the kid’s car seat in it. Well, in all the hustle and/or assorted bustle of juggling the kid and whatnot, I forgot my books and laptop in my car. After getting some dinner with the kid, she fell asleep on the ride home, and once we were home she was just coherent enough to let me changer her diaper, put on her pajamas, and drink a bottle while half asleep on the couch before completely passing out.

What does any of this have to do with Heroes, right? Well, I now had one fully asleep 15 month-old, no accessible school material, no wife at home, and a few hours to kill. So, lucky for me, I was able to get caught up with my favorite group of broadcast, live-action, comic booky characters.

Spoiler Alert!

I have to say that Kensai turning out to be Adam Munroe, in hindsight, was pretty obvious. And I did catch on before it was revealed at the end of Monday’s episode. But nevertheless, it’s a plot twist I really like.

As an aside, I wonder if David Anders is always going to play a villain? I mean, yeah, he’s good at it, but can’t someone give the guy something else to do?

Anyway, this season is, I think, just as solid as what I saw from last year (which, admittedly, I had class on Monday last year, and no DVR, so I only saw about half of it) and at least this “chapter” will be resolved before they run out of scripts.

And by that I mean, November 27th, the day on which you can purchase your very own copy of the feature length special, Bender’s Big Score

Now, for your enjoyment, a preview of said feature length production.

Thanks Mojo!