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Film
Top 10 Most Awesome Parents in Film
3810 days
by D. Composition
in Film
I’m not a parent and don’t really have any amazing stories about my parents. So, my friends, I have chosen to compile a top ten list of the most awesome parents in film. The list is by no means inclusive of all of film, as there are still many classics I’d like to see, and because I basically used my movie collection as reference. So here are the best parents (in my film collection). Also, HERE THERE BE SPOILERS!
Best Parents
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10. Last House On the Left – John and Estelle Collingwood would be a lot higher on the list if their daughter hadn’t been killed. Not that the average parent knows their daughter is going to run into a gang of rapists and killers, but there are other parents on this list that would never have let her go out that night, or at least taught her to better look after herself. Aside from all that though, of course, is the reason they are on the list. It takes a passionate heart and a keen mind to outwit and take revenge on a group of killers, and the Collingwoods manage it in fine style.
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09. National Lampoon’s Vacation – Come on. Who wouldn’t want Ellen and Clark Griswold as parents? Despite the horrible outcomes to so many of the family vacations, they prove that their heart is always in it, and they’re always thinking about the family.
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- 08. The Jerk – Now this is awesome. A big happy family all under one roof. Singing and dancing every day, dinner together at the table, and unbreakable gems of wisdom about shit and shinola. Mother and father Johnson take care of all of their kids as well as Navin, who was left on their doorstep when he was a baby. Even when Navin loses his fame and fortune, his parents show up to take him home again.
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07. Little Miss Sunshine – Richard and Cheryl Hoover don’t seem like the greatest parents right away, but their time together with the family helps them learn a few things about life, and in the end, they understand which things matter the most in their lives. There aren’t a whole lot of things in recent memory that are much more awesome than what the Hoover family manages at the end of the movie.
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- 06. Dumbo – Miss Jumbo is great. She’s a single parent, raising a child in the middle of a circus (literally). She’s gotta deal with asshole circus attendees and all the other gossiping cold-hearted elephants. As you can see in the movie, she’d rather bring down the whole circus than see her baby come to harm.
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- 05. Coneheads – Beldar and Prymatt have the classic immigrant story. They come to America in search of a new opportunity (just happens to be enslaving the blood-skulls), and find not only that they are stuck on Earth for seven zurles, but that they are with cone. They manage to evade immigration and provide a great life for their daughter on an alien planet, and eventually give up the life for which they were hoping and waiting… for her.
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- 04. Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels – Big Chris keeps Little Chris close at all times. They work together in their business ventures like partners and father & son at the same time. Despite the rough nature of their work, Big Chris still keeps Little Chris in line by reprimanding him when he curses or steps out of line with a client. You see just how much emotion is in Big Chris near the end of the film when Little Chris becomes threatened by the character called Dog.
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- 03. Donnie Darko – Eddie and Rose Darko prove to be quite awesome a few times in this movie. The main reason is that when Donnie gets in trouble with a teacher the parents know to be an idiot, they buy him a bunch of “new shit” for standing up for himself and making the teacher look stupid. It’s rare that the parent will take the child’s side in a situation like this (in movies at least). They also seem to have a great sense of humor.
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- 02. Kill Bill Volume 2 – “The Bride” proves to be a great parent when she tells Bill her story about leaving the assassin racket after taking a pregnancy test. Her entire life took a hard right-angle turn when she found out she was pregnant. It’s true that she thought her daughter was dead throughout the whole first movie, but that was a major motivator for her revenge. All she wants to do (from the time she finds out she’s pregnant) is get away from her violent life and start a safe family for her daughter.
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- 01. The Incredibles – What family could be more awesome than this? Bob and Helen Parr put away the hero duds so as not to get sued by people who “didn’t want to be saved”, and start a family. In the interests of safety, they never allow the kids to use their powers. But of course, the situation comes up where the powers are absolutely necessary and the family works as the ultimate superhero team in order to protect each other (and everyone else).
Versatility in Flesh Eating and Blood Sucking
0843 days
by D. Composition
in Film
In most things that become horror genres, specific rules tend to crop up. Werewolves can be killed with a silver bullet. Zombies die if you destroy the brain. Sunlight, crosses, holy water, and garlic are the bane of vampires everywhere. If you stay awake, Freddy can’t get you. These rules and how they are utilized, bent, and broken are what makes for the versatility of a genre. But can one genre be more versatile than another?
It can be tough to classify, because if a movie bends or breaks too many of the rules, does it still belong to the seeming genre? For instance, Return of the Living Dead has what most would consider “zombies”, but many of the normal zombie rules don’t apply. These zombies (first and foremost) are runners (the older rule of stiff shambling zombies gets broken most of the time these days, as anyone who has been to the theaters to see a zombie movie in the last 10 years knows). They don’t die by destruction of the brain, severing of limbs, or anything else except complete destruction of tissue by way of a crematorium. So are they zombies? Sure, why not. They still want to eat human flesh (the brains to be specific) and are the dead returned to some form of life. The broadest idea of the genre gets a little broader and more lenient on the rules to be inclusive of similar ideas. I think ROTLD might have even started the whole eating of brains thing.
The vampire rules have been bent numerous times too. I’m sure before “Twilight” came out, Count Dracula was the first thing to come to the average person’s mind when thinking of vampires. The classic, smooth, black cape-wearin’, widow’s peak havin’, menacing hand-extendin’, lady-charmin’, blood-suckin’ Count Dracula. But since the likes of he and Nosferatu, we’ve gone through tons of variations.
The first that comes to mind is a favorite of mine, and probably because it plays out more like a zombie movie than your average vampire movie. It’s From Dusk Till Dawn. While this film doesn’t really break any of the rules (maybe a couple bent), it is far different from “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” or “Interview With the Vampire”. None of the vampires in the movie have the dignified nature of the average Victorian child of the night. With the exception (maybe) of a couple of the strippers (before they get ugly), there is no sense of style or overwhelming influence here. Surely there’s the seduction by the strippers of the bar patrons, but that’s hardly comparable to a “proper” vampire’s powers of persuasion. So it’s more dirty and the dignified nature of the vamps is nowhere to be seen. Otherwise though, everything seems to apply. Crosses, holy water, stakes to the heart, and sunlight all prove useful against the majority of these beasts.
Zombies were always funny to begin with, even as far back as the original Night of the Living Dead. But now we’ve got Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland making good cases for future zomcoms. Vampires have proved their comedic value by way of Buffy, Mel Brooks, Matt Groening, and well, Count Chocula.
I think one thing that zombies have in their favor is the one variable that seems to be a constant through every zombie movie I’ve ever seen. The cause. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a definitive cause of a zombie outbreak in any movie (unless it’s some random chemical leak or something). The characters never seem to get the exact information because there is mass hysteria and confusion. This is one element that could create a lot of elbow room in the genre without stretching too far from the canon. I suppose the cause of vampirism has never been dealt with either (unless I’m mistaken, which I very well may be), but vampires seem to just be accepted immediately as monsters, whereas it’s harder to accept with zombies because they’re often people that the characters know. Also, it’s usually a recent phenomenon.
Vampires have personality though. And as Jules Winnfield said, personality goes a long way. There hasn’t been a zombie yet to match a Count Dracula (or a Jason Voorhees, Wolfman, Mummy, Freddy, or Candyman for that matter). It’s almost always the collective of zombies that matters, not the individual. There has been decent evidence of zombie personality though, mainly in Fido and Day of the Dead. But for the time being, vampires totally own the aspect of personality.
It doesn’t look like vampires or zombies can really surpass one another in versatility. There are rules that the genres are held to, but still so much that could be done with both without having to really break the rules (but even if a couple were broken, no big deal). I definitely prefer zombies, at least at the moment. This is mostly due to the fact that there is no zombie romance series that takes itself way too seriously (that and zombies are way funnier). But even if there was a zombie romance novel, it’s probable it could only work is if it was hilarious (unless someone took the misunderstood monster (King Kong) route).
Documentaries that are neither boring nor suck
1883 days
by Jezmon_degyte
in Film
In an effort to get you, the readers, some learning, I offer to you a list of documentaries. Now traditionally documentaries are something they force you to watch in school but I offer a different take, a more entertaining take on the documentary form. Without any further ado, here is a list of documentaries that don’t suck:
5. Expelled-No Intelligence Required: This is Ben Stein’s quest to open a dialog between hard line Darwinists and Intelligent Designists. One thing to note, the film makes it very clear that they are discussing intelligent design not creationism. They don’t really bring a specific designer into the discussion. It could be advanced space aliens for all they care. The climax of the movie involves Ben talking to staunch atheist, Richard Dawkins.
4. Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden: Morgan Spurlock goes on a quest to find Osama Bin Laden. You may remember Morgan as the guy who ate Mcdonalds for whole month while filming it. Super Size Me may be a more powerful documentary, but this one is well worth a look. He actually travels to the middle east and basically goes door to door looking for Osama. All the while his partner is pregnant with their first child. Of note is when he goes to Israel and tries to talk with the hard line Jews and is literally chased out of the neighborhood.
3. CSA: Confederate States of America: What if the South had won the Civil War? That’s the question posed by Kevin Willmott in this documentary. While not a true documentary, I’m still including it on this list due to its unique perspective. The documentary is a mix of “historical” information and fake commercials. There are some very uncomfortable moments. One being a “Cops”-like show involving the tracking down of runaway slaves.
2. Darkon: A LARP-ing documentary. Most everyone I know who reads this site should know what this means. For the uninitiated, it stands for Live Action Role Play. Basically a group of guys and gals strap on their armor and beat each other with foam weapons. This documentary follows the adventures of one such group. The interesting thing is how seriously they take it. From the opening scenes you may think you’re watching a low budget fantasy film, but then you see cars in the background and the field of battle still has the markings of a soccer field. If you don’t want to be seen renting or buying this movie, the whole thing is available on Hulu.
And finally the best of the best:
1. The Aristocrats: This is a documentary about a joke that comedians tell each other at parties. So in essence you have some of the greatest comedic minds of our time all telling the same joke. The kicker is that no 2 tellings of the joke are the same. A word of warning, this is probably the foulest, dirtiest, most disgusting documentary you will ever see. Perhaps I forgot to mention that the point of the joke is to out gross anyone else’s telling of the joke. Be prepared for jokes about incest, bestiality, vomiting, fountains of bodily fluid, etc., etc.
Finally what list would be complete without an honorable mention:
Best in Show: Like CSA not a true documentary but I’m putting it in anyway. Christopher Guest examines the world of dog shows with his standard cast of improv actors. That is something to note about his films. There is no script. All the actors are given is broad strokes of what needs to happen and outlines of their characters. The rest is up to them. If you haven’t seen a Christopher Guest movie, get out to a video store and rent one.
So there you have it. You may not learn a single thing from any of these films but you’ll have a good time.
Glorious Basterds
2
“Once upon a time in Nazi occupied France…” a group of bad asses led by Lt. Aldo Rain (Brad Pitt) throw down the gauntlet and scalp a shit load of Nazis. At least that is what the trailer for Quentin Tarantino’s, “Inglorious Basterds” wants you to think the film is about but Basterds is so much more than a simple bloody war movie. The film is an homage to the C war movies of the past and a love letter to film as a whole. The movie’s main story line actually centers around a Nazi propaganda film and a plot to blow up or burn down the theater that is premiering it, taking out every member of the Nazi high command in one fell swoop.
I am one of those who believe that there are very few directors who do talking and excessive violence quite as well as Tarantino and he is in rare form with this new release. I cannot even begin to describe the scene in which two of the Basterds, and a British soldier, are meant to meet with a German film star in a Nazi filled bar, because the speeches contained within that scene are so brilliant. Let’s face it, though, a writer can write the best scene in the world but without the right actor to deliver the lines it all goes to hell anyway. In this case, the man who delivers those lines best is Christoph Waltz as Col. Hans “The Jew Hunter” Landa. Every scene that this man is in is mesmerizing, he utilizes four different languages in the film (German, French, English and Italian) and manages to be terrifying and yet oddly charismatic in all of them. I have never hated a villain while simultaneously being drawn to him every second he is on screen as much as with Landa (if he is not nominated for an academy award this year it will be a complete and utter debacle).
There are, however, two very important things that anyone going to see this film should know. One; the Basterds are only on screen about half the time, splitting the movie with Shosanna the undercover Jewish girl who owns the theater where the Nazis are planning to premier their film. Two; the majority of the film is subtitled so if you aren’t willing to read your entertainment then don’t bother going (and if you choose to go, don’t bitch about it later).
What really made me love this film was the way in which Tarantino dealt with his Jewish characters. I have grown very tired of the way in which Jews are portrayed in film. It is rare to find a movie in which the Jewish characters are not some absurd stereotype. We often see Jewish characters with long beards, dressed all in black, wearing hats and having peyote while Klezmer music plays in the background. The Basterds are not stereotypes. Not once do we see them engaging in any type of stereotypical behavior; they are first and foremost soldiers. Each is representative of where he is from and so, collectively, they do not continue the absurd idea that all Jews are the same. I do not have the time to heap all of the praise I wish on this film so, “Inglorious Basterds” I give you…
5/5 - Punched in the face by AWESOME!
Verhoeven’s Double Feature of Violence
3
As a male adult in my early-30′s who was born and raised in the United States, I have seen/been subjected to (take your pick) a large array of movies that, according to the MPAA “…may include adult themes, adult activity, hard language, intense or persistent violence, sexually-oriented nudity, drug abuse or other elements, so that parents are counseled to take this rating very seriously.” For me, the master of this type of film is none other than director, Paul Verhoeven who is not even a US native, but a son of the Netherlands! With this weeks NR theme being, “Bring the Pain” I thought it appropriate to highlight two of Verhoeven’s “best” (and I use the term loosely and more in reference to box office dollars versus actual content) films.
In 1987, Verhoeven hit the cinema with the over the top, ultra-violent “Robocop” Part man. Part machine. All cop. I recall with clarity seeing the commercials and posters at the local theatre for this film and was determined to figure out how to watch it. It wasn’t until a year later, however, when it came out on video that I was able to take a gander without my parent’s interference. My 10 year old mind was (upon reflection) not ready to watch Alex Murphy get brutally shot up and dismembered by a bunch of crazed hooligans. It left quite the impression and the thought that “Wow, they can do some crazy make-up effects these days.” You might think that Murphy’s horrific death was the most violent part of the movie, but from that scene forward, Verhoeven just ratches up the violence meter. Who can forget the scene where Robocop takes down the would-be rapist by putting a round in the assailants breadbasket?! Or when one of Alex Murphy’s original killers gets tossed into some toxic waste and starts to melt? As violent and bloody as Robocop was, Verhoeven was just priming the pump for his next Hollywood endeavor that would feature our very own “Governator.”
1990 brought with it not only “Hammer Pants” but also Verhoeven’s sci-fi life on Mar’s epic “Total Recall” starring Arnold Schwarzenegger which taught us, if nothing else, that that trying to live on Mars sucks…unless you’re looking for an irradiated, martian hooker. Why does life suck on the red planet? Because the government will go with the lowest bidding contractor when making your atmosphere bubbles, thus allowing radiation to disfigure you. Also, the government will cover up the existence of an alien artifact that will actually allow the planet to have a breathable atmosphere. But like a porn movie, we’re not here to talk about the plot. We’re here to talk about the body count, and boy does Verhoeven deliver! Immeasurable amounts of Mars cops get taken out. A rat, sentient cab and various sundry scientist get to meet the reaper. Plus a random goon gets used as a handy meat shield. Don’t believe me?
Despite all of Verhoeven’s hard work during this time, in the end, it is Charlie Sheen who ends starring in “the bloodiest movie of all time.”
Robocop gets an NR rating of:
3/5 - Might be worth a try...
Whereas Total Recall gets an NR rating of:
1/5 - Basic shite.
For the Love of Gore
1
Hey there faithful Normalinauts. Kilian here and, for the second week in a row, we at Normality Restored are pleased to welcome a guest contributor. He has requested that we call him “D. Composition” and I fully honor that request. As a slight, personally advantageous, aside I will say that I am enjoying the guest contributors as it means I do less writing (though more editing) and so we get a wider array of voices here on the ol’ NR.
So without further ado, I present to you…
If I were to walk up to an average movie fan and ask him if he remembered such films as “Deep Blue Sea” or “Resident Evil”, I imagine his response to the latter would be “Not really, but I do remember that guy getting diced by those lasers! That was awesome!” and to the former “Not really, but I do remember the shark jumping up and eating Sam Jackson! That was awesome!”
Sorry for the spoiler, but if you haven’t already seen Deep Blue Sea, chances are high that you either don’t want to see it or you already know about it because of Dave Chapelle.
Dave Chapelle: Samuel L. Jackson’s
I find this to be a commonality with a lot of movies, even when the movie is pretty good (I personally enjoyed Deep Blue Sea very much). We all know the reason for its everpresence. It’s the same reason people love rollercoasters. It’s a shocking thrill rolled in fun. Better the fictional movie characters deal with it than us, of course. It’s a fun way to have all the characters we hate get offed in a film. It works the opposite way with our heroes though (There were too many good times with Chef from South Park before his grisly demise. Gore is like taking a wound, or a death, in a story and turning it up full blast, much to the chagrin or delight of the prospective viewer. The gore can be a little much for some people, but that can be enjoyable too. I always find myself smiling at gore moments if I notice that someone else is cringing while watching. I think anything in a movie that can get a reaction like that is doing something right. I suppose I’ve personally been desensitized to the majority of the gore out there, though. I got started at an early age with a certain stripe-sweatered melty boogeyman with knives for fingers. Who could get these images out of a 7 year old’s mind (or a 27 year old’s mind for that matter)?
Few films, however, can match the feeling one gets when watching Dead Alive (Braindead). Back in the late 80’s-early 90’s Peter Jackson (you know the one…he directed the Lord of the Rings movies, for all you non-existent non-nerds reading this) made a couple of really funny and really gory little movies. Dead Alive is the best of these (according to myself and some friends). A few stragglers aside, it seems to be the undisputed “goriest fright film of all time.” If you’re not familiar with Dead Alive, you’ll either be really happy or really pissed off you’ve missed out for so long.
The movie is about a young man who lives with his old abusive mother. The films opens with the mother getting bitten by a rat-monkey at the zoo and, of course, contracting a zombie-like disease. The ball starts tumbling from there. The protagonist does his best to take care of his zombie-mom despite the infection of more and more, who also end up getting kept in his house. There is zombie sex, a zombie baby, a kung fu priest, a lawnmower scene, and a bunch of gross out stuff that even had me squirming.
If you do decide you want to see this movie, make sure to get the unrated version, because the “safe” version has so much cut out it really isn’t the same movie.
Needless to say, gore is and has been a great joy of mine for all kinds of reasons. It’s always fun to see where the filmmaker is going to take the viewer to get to some new level of shock or creativity. This is why people always talk about the “curb scene” in American History X or the “pen trick scene” in Dark Knight or the “eye splinter scene” from Zombi or the “tooth-pulling scene” from Oldboy. These are the standout moments in film for many because they are so shocking and so memorable.
Newstastic or Craptastic…its Newsies!
8
Greetings to all faithful Normalinauts. This week, we are lucky to have a guest contributor. She may or may not become a permanent fixture here at NR. I certainly would be in favor of seeing her contribute more so if you enjoy the following piece of writing please let her know. She has asked that the moniker “Oedipa Wheeler” be attributed to her and I consciously decided to NOT try and figure out what that means.
And yes, she is a female. If my memory can be relied upon at all, this is the first article we’ve posted actually written by a female. First women get the right to vote and now this! Truly females are now set to rule the world.
OK, I’ll shut up now…
The beauty of a truly horrific, yet pleasurable, train wreck, metaphorically speaking, of course, given that I don’t harbor any Crash-esque fantasies, is that it brings all those perched upon the upper echelons of our society down to the level of our mediocre and downright embarrassing bourgeois lives. Movie stars are, of course, the usual “victims,” …just a moment while I brush that single, solitary tear off my cheek…of this desire to destroy the ideal. Take Christian “You’re Unprofessional!” Bale as one such victim of the tabloids. This gut-wrenchingly funny tantrum perpetrated by Bale could, in fact, be tossed off as just a part of his artistic temperament, not to overshadow his theatrical abilities. Yet, just visit your local video store and walk directly to the “musicals” section. There, my friends, you will find a film that demonstrates the true range of Bale’s acting abilities; Newsies. And yes, Bale does do all of his own singing and dancing…no stunt doubles for this Renaissance man. Or better yet visit the bookmines so I can escort you myself to this brilliant piece of movie making, giggling all the way.
The popularity of Disney’s live action musicals, à la High School Musical, apparently had not yet found its niche when Newsies made its inauspicious debut in 1992. Yet again, maybe this musical that recreates the 1899 strike of newspaper boys in New York is just pure, unadulterated crap. Bale is quoted as saying of his stellar performance, “Time healed those wounds. But it took awhile.” Time heals all wounds sooner or later, unless it’s the bruise you’ll inevitably get from literally falling off your chair laughing; that’ll take a week or two to heal. Yet, as I sit here rewatching Newsies (yes I own it…it’s hidden between Masculine, Feminine and Citizen Kane in true film major guilty pleasure fashion), I question what was the clincher that lead Bale to look back so shamefully upon this role. Was it singing catchy lyrics like, “If the life don’t seem to suit ya how ‘bout a change of scene, far from the lousy headlines and the deadlines in between!” with the ever elegant heavy New York accent. Or maybe it was the impressive bit of soft shoe he did in unison with about twenty other young men, a veritable precursor to the likes of ‘Nsync or Backstreet Boys. Whatever it was, I hold fast to the cruel pleasure I get from watching Bale’s embarrassing performance.
This pleasure, needless to say, begets some shame for finding so much enjoyment in another man’s humiliation. I gracefully reference you back to my admission that I work at the bookmines as a pretext to my forthcoming rationalization for this shameful pleasure. There is a special kind of enjoyment for a film major who has done nothing with the degree (or any person for that matter who decided to join the Humanities department much to the chagrin of his or her parents) to watch someone successful in the film industry fail so utterly. It gives hope to the wretches like us who will never watch our films light up the silver screen of Sundance, never find our brilliantly penned essays in the New Yorker, or never hear our musical opus on KCRW’s Morning Becomes Eclectic. We want to know that those established in the arts are not necessarily there because of their superior talent. They are, in fact, us with better looks and/or a bit more luck. Their failures bring them back down to us, still searching for a bit of the lime light. Thus, for the time being, I, along with my fellow unsuccessful artistically leaning compatriots, will get our kicks from these simple, disreputable pleasures.