And I say this because the children of this country have voted that both Paris Hilton and Brittney Spears should top Santa’s naughty list. Now, sure it would have been much sweeter if, say, they had voted the president to the top, but this is a nice choice on the part of our nation’s kids.

Brittney, as you might know, seems to not care about actually raising her kids, or even showing up to court.

And Paris Hilton is just…well…you know…

Here’s a story that, when I read the headline I thought, “what an f’ing douche!” Then I started to read it, and saw his mugshot, and I thought, “that kid has some serious problems, and should probably seek out some help.” Then, after I was finished reading I thought, “who the hell would date this guy?”

Now I’m all for calling Oprah the anitchrist, and it’s nice to agree with a Baptist once in a while, you know, for variety’s sake. But I would say that when “Christians ‘just say no’ to the big ‘O’.” They’re not spelling that O-P-R-A-H…if you know what I mean…wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

So if you look over there on the right, you’ll notice that I am currently reading three books. One of those, The Book of Lost Things, has quickly taken precedence over the other two. Daniel Martin is, if you’re not familiar, fucking MASSIVE, and not nearly as fast paced as some of Fowles’ other work (which is usually at about dead tortoise speed anyway). Odd and the Frost Giants, by contrast, is so small that if I just sat down for 30 minutes I’d finish it…but I digress. The Book of Lost Things is just so damn original and well written that I’m not even reading my homework. And the best part is, I’m only about 1/3 of the way through it and it just keeps getting better. The one issue I am having with it is that, in the book, wolves are portrayed as malevolent. After reading Robert Jordan and Fables, I’ve really come to love wolves in literature and seeing them painted in a less then a good light is sorta hard to swallow. And Bigby is probably my all time third favorite comic book character…

On that note, because I’m sure you all care so much, here’s a list of my favorite all time comic book/fantasy/sci-fi characters…

1. The Joker - Without a doubt the greatest villain ever. He has no powers, no magic, no advanced technology. He strikes terror into people simply by being the most crazy mother fucker to ever grace a comics page. Now that’s a villain!

2. Shadowman - I’m willing to admit that, probably, I should be mocked for this by other comic nerds. Valiant certainly had its ups and downs (many more downs, sadly), but there was a time when they were coming out with some pretty decent lines, and they had a couple really solid cross universe stories. Of everything they did, Shadowman, I thought, was the best. At one point in the series (the first series, that is, which was the good one) Jack (Shadowman) discovers the time and place of his death. After this he becomes such a reckless/half insane mess that watching him spiral downward is both engaging and disturbing. Plus, Jack lived in New Orleans and the entire series was heavily voodoo themed…and he fought the devil. What’s not to like!?

3. Bigby - He really makes me wish I were a half air spirit, half werewolf who fathered a litter wolf/human flying shape changers with Snow White!

4. Matrim Cauthon - Easily the best of the Two River’s three, Mat is a gambler, womanizer, sorta con man, jokester, who becomes the greatest military mind since…well, ever. And unlike Rand and Perrin, Mat’s story never becomes even slightly annoying because he is just such a fun character to read.

5. Batman - because when it comes right down to, “he’s Batman” is all you really need to know…but he’s also the only hero who could take down Superman…if he had to…so just watch it Kal-El!

6. Sam Vimes - It’s hard to pick just one Discworld character, because they are all so interlinked, but I think Vimes really stands a bit above the rest. I suppose a lot of people might pick Rincewind, or Death, or Granny Weatherwax, or even the Librarian, (and sometimes I lean toward Lu-Tze, but since he only really features in two books, it is hard to justify him as the best character of the series) and those would all be good choices. But Vimes is the Discworld’s every man. OK, yes, he does eventually end up a Duke, but the first time we meet him he’s a washed up, alcoholic, night watch commander who, in Sgt. Colon’s eternal words, was “brung low by a woman.” From that inauspicious beginning he, nearly single handedly, creates real policing in Ankh-Morpork (and thereby, the entire world). And even after he becomes one of the richest men in the city (and therefore, probably the world), he still prefers to patrol the streets at night in cheap boots. Now that’s a guy I’d like to have a beer with.

7. Lucifer - In case you didn’t already know, I have a thing for the devil as a character. Mike Carey’s Vertigo line is, I think, the best portrayal of the devil as an actual character that has ever been produced in any medium, period.

8. Tristran - I guess you could say that this is a tie with Shadow from American Gods and Richard Mayhew from Neverwhere. If pushed, I’d even say that, as far as reading goes, I preferred those books over Stardust. But Tristran holds a special place in my heart because after reading Stardust I sent my copy to a girl I knew who was studying in London and now we’re married and have a kid. In fact, my wife once said that this book is probably the reason we got back together in the first place.

9. Arthur Dent - I am referring here to the Arthur Dent of the books (and TV and radio), not the film. The distinction is important because, although I enjoyed the film quite a bit and watch it more then is probably good for me, and thought that Martin Freeman did a really good job with the character (and, by the way, Mos Def WAS Ford Prefect), the end of the film is not totally genuine with the character. With the exception of his (very brief) time with Fenchurch, the Arthur of the books wants nothing more then to STAY ON EARTH. Which is what makes him such a great character because HE NEVER GETS TO STAY ON EARTH until it (along with all possible iterations of it) is completely and utterly destroyed…at which point, so is Arthur.

10. Wedge Antilles - Certainly not your average Star Wars choice, I realize. But I think this list shows a bit of a running theme with me. I really get attached to the “every man.” And as far as “a galaxy far far away” is concerned, there is no greater every man then Wedge. He’s the only pilot to survive both Deathstar battles (remember, Luke was not in a fighter for the second one) and he didn’t have the luxury of Jedi powers. And not only is he a gifted pilot, but he works his way up the ranks and eventually becomes a General. The X-Wing comics and novels do such a good job of making Wedge more then a fringe character that it’s a shame they didn’t do more of them.

Well, I could keep going, but I’m sure everyone has stopped reading so I’ll end with a little video goodness that wasn’t in the last post…

No joke, but an article up on abcactionnews.com, the Tamba Bay ABC affliate, actually reads “Boozy Bosworth has no memory of sex scene.” Now that’s journalism!

You know what? It’s a short article so I’ll just excerpt the whole thing…

Actress Kate Bosworth has no recollection of her love scene with co-star Jim Sturgess in new gambling film 21 - because she was so drunk.

The Superman Returns star drank to calm her nerves before the revealing scene - but admits she overdid it.

She says, “We were both so drunk. Jim and I became such good friends, we decided to have a couple of drinks, loosen up and go for it.”

Sturgess adds, “We were on Grey Goose (vodka), I think. It was brilliant for about half an hour. As we continued to drink, it just became sloppy and messy. I couldn’t stand up at one point.”

In 21, Bosworth and Sturgess play college students who use their brains to break the bank in Las Vegas.

My question is, how is that experience any different then 95% of all one night stands in this country?

A very disturbing, NAMBLA styled vid… all I can say is OMGWTF? O_O

How is this legal?!

Don’t blame me, if you’re disturbed… I’m just passing on the strangeness. /sigh only on the net would we find something like this…
–Aleister

VNV Nation - Fearless

So thanks for the support Normalinauts! Some day my ship will come in (read: book will be published). Also, thanks to Mojo for the shout out and I think the phrase “book of complete win” may have to be the title of my second novel…

Because I am often looking for ways to “not work” while sitting at my desk all day, I have, inexplicably, joined Facebook and set up a Normality Restored group. If you are in any of my various e-mail address books, then you likely received an invitation to “be my friend.” So far, I have two friends…exsulis, because I badgered him on gchat yesterday and, oddly, Ze Frank. I guess the rest of you really don’t like me…no, that’s alright, I’m not going to cry…I mean, I did just get my novel rejected and everything…and now no one (et tu gilgrim?) wants to be my cyber-friend. Huh? That sounds a little dirty. So if you did get an invitation and haven’t replied, I want you to know you have wounded me deeply. If you haven’t received one, and you do want to be my friend, drop me the electronic style mail kilian.heap@gmail.com. As an added bonus, anyone who joins the NR facebook group will get a specially crafted, personalized, mediocre, officer title. Just ask exsulis, “Elite Dataz Haxor.”

OK, I have to bring this up because it bothers me on so many levels, but first, a bit of background.

I took three years of photography in high school. I would say, more then anything else, being in a dark room was the most important (at the time) aspect of my time in high school. For a few different reasons I did not end up majoring in photography in college. I did, however, start a photography club and was said club’s president for two years (admittedly, I did little the second year) while in college. My wife was a photo communications major, and spent six months in London studying photography beyond her degree. So let’s just say that photography is something we take pretty seriously in our house. That was part of the reason I previously brought up the Lindsey Lohan/New York Magazine “thing.”

So it should surprise no one that I am now interested in the Miley Cyrus/Vanity Fair “thing.” Long story short, Miley posed for a photo shoot for the upcoming Vanity Fair. She’s wearing a sheet. Here’s one picture from the shoot, and here’s some behind the scenes pictures. Here’s one other (very) important piece of information. The photographer was Annie Leibovitz. In case you are unfamiliar, Leibovitz is the premiere (and I mean that literally, there is no one bigger or more important) celebrity photographer in the world. There are others, of course, Mario Testino and Herb Ritts (though Ritts passed away a few years ago) come to mind. But no one else has the reputation or portfolio of Leibovitz.

This is important because, now that the “sheet” photo has appeared online, Cyrus has come out against the photos.

Here’s the thing. I get that Miley is 15. I do. I have a daughter, I get it. But how is a photo shoot, one that her family was at no less, with a world renowned photographer (Leibovitz was the photographer who last captured John Lennon, by the way) worse then, oh I don’t know, her showing her bra off?

You may disagree. I can see where someone might think that the Vanity Fair shoot was borderline child porn. I think that opinion is wrong, but I can respect it. The fact that this was a shoot with Annie f’ing Leibovitz, I think, instantly adds artistic credibility (much as I argued in regard to the Lohan shoot). So why doesn’t Miley and her family stand behind the photos? I mean, all they would really have to say is, “IT’S ANNIE LEIBOVITZ!” Sort of, god I cringe to say this, in the way that Lohan defended her photos.

My guess, and others have said this as well, is that Disney has put pressure on the clan Cyrus to distance themselves from the photos. I don’t really see why. In this context, I would say the pictures have a decidedly less sexual inclination then say, a red carpet or some other “hollywood” style event where 15 year old Cyrus is wearing an ultra revealing gown, thousands of dollars of jewelry, and is done up like it’s prom night.

Gogol Bordello - Immigrant Punk