Where pop culture meets geek culture and they make out a little.
Jezmon_degyte
This user hasn't shared any biographical information
Homepage: http://normalityrestored.com
Posts by Jezmon_degyte
Documentaries that are neither boring nor suck
Sep 6th
In an effort to get you, the readers, some learning, I offer to you a list of documentaries. Now traditionally documentaries are something they force you to watch in school but I offer a different take, a more entertaining take on the documentary form. Without any further ado, here is a list of documentaries that don’t suck:
5. Expelled-No Intelligence Required: This is Ben Stein’s quest to open a dialog between hard line Darwinists and Intelligent Designists. One thing to note, the film makes it very clear that they are discussing intelligent design not creationism. They don’t really bring a specific designer into the discussion. It could be advanced space aliens for all they care. The climax of the movie involves Ben talking to staunch atheist, Richard Dawkins.
4. Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden: Morgan Spurlock goes on a quest to find Osama Bin Laden. You may remember Morgan as the guy who ate Mcdonalds for whole month while filming it. Super Size Me may be a more powerful documentary, but this one is well worth a look. He actually travels to the middle east and basically goes door to door looking for Osama. All the while his partner is pregnant with their first child. Of note is when he goes to Israel and tries to talk with the hard line Jews and is literally chased out of the neighborhood.
3. CSA: Confederate States of America: What if the South had won the Civil War? That’s the question posed by Kevin Willmott in this documentary. While not a true documentary, I’m still including it on this list due to its unique perspective. The documentary is a mix of “historical” information and fake commercials. There are some very uncomfortable moments. One being a “Cops”-like show involving the tracking down of runaway slaves.
2. Darkon: A LARP-ing documentary. Most everyone I know who reads this site should know what this means. For the uninitiated, it stands for Live Action Role Play. Basically a group of guys and gals strap on their armor and beat each other with foam weapons. This documentary follows the adventures of one such group. The interesting thing is how seriously they take it. From the opening scenes you may think you’re watching a low budget fantasy film, but then you see cars in the background and the field of battle still has the markings of a soccer field. If you don’t want to be seen renting or buying this movie, the whole thing is available on Hulu.
And finally the best of the best:
1. The Aristocrats: This is a documentary about a joke that comedians tell each other at parties. So in essence you have some of the greatest comedic minds of our time all telling the same joke. The kicker is that no 2 tellings of the joke are the same. A word of warning, this is probably the foulest, dirtiest, most disgusting documentary you will ever see. Perhaps I forgot to mention that the point of the joke is to out gross anyone else’s telling of the joke. Be prepared for jokes about incest, bestiality, vomiting, fountains of bodily fluid, etc., etc.
Finally what list would be complete without an honorable mention:
Best in Show: Like CSA not a true documentary but I’m putting it in anyway. Christopher Guest examines the world of dog shows with his standard cast of improv actors. That is something to note about his films. There is no script. All the actors are given is broad strokes of what needs to happen and outlines of their characters. The rest is up to them. If you haven’t seen a Christopher Guest movie, get out to a video store and rent one.
So there you have it. You may not learn a single thing from any of these films but you’ll have a good time.
Crazy Like Lightning….Thunderbolts
Aug 21st
Can a trainwreck be entertaining and fun? Yes it can!!! I present to you, Thunderbolts, a team headed by a psycho and filled with other psychos.
Let’s start with a little back story on the team. Originally, the team consisted of villians posing as heroes in order to further their nefarious plans. Then they decided the hero bit wasn’t so bad and became a group of reformed villians.
Fast forward to the Civil War mega event. A schism exists between superheroes that agree to register with the government and those that won’t. The government decides to create a team to hunt down unregistered heroes. Now who could you get to do such a questionable job? Enter the new Thunderbolts. Now instead of villians looking for redemption. You have a team of villians working for the government on the promise of money and a one way ticket to anywhere outside of the United States.
Who are these villians?
- Songbird – member of the original team. She has sonic powers and is one of only two members who are not insane. She acts like the heart of the team.
- Radioactive man – also an original member. He is radioactive and is just hoping to get back to his homeland of China. He is the other non-crazy member.
- Moonstone – last of the originals. While not traditionally crazy, highly manipulative and a master of psychology.
At this point you may be asking, “Where’s the crazy? Why should I read this book at all? Not so trainwreck-like.” Well you’d be right if this was all there was to it. So let’s bring on the crazy:
- Venom – not Eddie Brock, but Mac Gargan (orginally, the Scorpion). Regardless of who is wearing the symbiote, Venom is a bloodthirsty monster. Mostly uncontrollable and likes to eat people.
- Swordsman – has powers but can only use them when touching his twin sister. The problem being that his sister is dead so he wields a sword whose hilt is wrapped in the skin of his dead sister. Oh yeah and he was promised a clone of his sister in lieu of payment. Plus it’s inferred that he and his sister are closer than most siblings (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).
- Penance – was the mutant who was part of the team that started the whole civil war. Blames himself for all of it. The only way he can access his powers is when he is in physical pain.
- Bullseye – all around homicidal maniac. Can kill anyone with anything and enjoys doing it.
And the cherry on this crazy sundae, their leader is Norman Osborne, aka the Green Goblin. Supposedly cured of his sickness, he is put in control of the team.
The first two arcs of this team were phenomenal train wrecks. You have one of the most dysfunctional teams ever taking on c- and d-list heroes. The team does get the job done but they tended to leave the places they visited a little worse for wear…and Venom was always trying to eat innocent bystanders. Every issue the team would fall a little more apart. In truth, one of the main reasons I continued to read it was to see just how bad it could get. I was never disappointed.
Now a disclaimer, currently, the Thunderbolts are made up of a different group of characters and their mission is slightly altered. I much prefer the crazy team.
The first two arcs by Warren Ellis are collected in 2 volumes: Faith in Monsters and Caged Angels. I highly recommend them if you enjoy a good trainwreck.
4/5 - Nearly classic!
Better Off Ted
Aug 7th
What do you get when you mix an office comedy with super science? A little show called Better Off Ted on ABC. Let us find out why you should be watching this show.
I know that recommending a show on one of the major networks may not seem like something “under the radar,” but this show is hilarious and under appreciated. ABC describes this show as “a satirical office comedy featuring a successful but morally conscious man Ted, who runs an R&D department at a morally questionable corporation.” Unlike some network descriptions, this one is pretty accurate.
The “morally questionable corporation” is Veridian Dynamics. Veridian is a mega corporation involved in a number of different industries. They deal in government contracts for weapons as well as products to help normal consumers better their lives. As far as the morally questionable aspects I’ll list out a few of their products and you can decide for yourself:
Some of those don’t seem so bad. Right?
So now we know about the company, but what about the man, Ted? Ted, played by Jay Harrington, is a fairly normal executive and plays the straight man on this comedy show. He is a single father who works hard to provide for his daughter, Rose. This is Harrington’s first starring role, though, he has had a number of cameo or guest spots on other shows and one of the things I like about this show is that they don’t have any big name actors.
Ted’s boss, Veronica, is played by Portia de Rossi. She’s the biggest name on this show. She is the up tight, emotionless boss. She rules the office with an iron fist and most of her underlings fear her. She is not, however, without her quirks.
The foil to Veronica is Linda, played by Andrea Anders. Linda is in charge of PR for the company. Her job is putting the best spin on the weird and wild products coming out of the labs. She sticks it to the man by stealing large amounts of creamer from the break room. She and Ted play at romance but they can’t be together because Ted has used up his one office romance on a fling with Veronica.
The head scientists are Phil and Lem played by Jonathan Slavin and Malcolm Barrett respectively. They function as a superbly nerdy duo. They are partners to the point that they act like a married couple. They do have a pretty cool hobby down in the basement of the building.
Here they are dealing with a “hairy situation.”
Now that I’ve given you the basics of the show. Here’s an entire episode for you to watch and judge for yourself. This episode deals with corporate ethics and scapegoating. One thing to watch for the commercials for Veridian that are in each episode. Enjoy!
Tears of a Robot
Jul 31st
This week I’ll be looking at robots in a couple of modern franchises. It’s pretty shocking what some film makers will do to robots just because they aren’t human.
Let’s get down to the core of the issue. Robots are machines. The problem comes when people either want to make them unnecessarily human or put in purely robot scenes that make humans uncomfortable.
Let’s look at the first point. Star Wars: the Clone Wars goes to great lengths to give battle droids personality. “But Threepio and Artoo have personality and they’re robots in Star Wars.” True, but not in the same way. Firstly, they are meant to be characters. Secondly, from a design stand point, they are designed to interact with humanoids. Thus there is the expectation that they would be more human-like in appearance and demeanor. Artoo doesn’t fit this criteria but gets as pass based on the fact that he is a good guy. The problem with battle droids is that they are meant to be machines of death and destruction. Why on earth would you give that a personality, much less a goofy comic relief personality? In case you aren’t familiar with the Clone Wars series, the droids have discussions among themselves about what is going on and chastise each other for incompetence. I personally think that they shouldn’t talk to each other and if they need to vocalize, it should be tactical information delivered to non-robot commanders. Seems a waste of time for them to talk at all when they could transmit data at super speeds. Also, on some level, they are meant to be cannon fodder so it seems to be a huge waste of resources to give them all personalities. Getting back to my point, battle droids should be scary to kids; a never ending march of automotons bringing death. They shouldn’t be the comic relief. The makers could learn a lot from the Terminator movies. Those are some badass silent killing machines!
My second point is robots doing robot things that would be creepy if humans did them. The mark of any good film is that the characters are relatable no matter their circumstances. This gets weird when you consider robot characters. In a good film, you stop thinking of them as machines and more as organic creatures. Which is all well and fine until you have robots scavenging parts from other characters. To put it in organic terms: if I was walking down the street and saw someone fall over dead and went over and removed their hand in case I needed it later, i would be locked up for a very long time. The first time I really came across this sort of robotic cannibalism was in the fox animated movie, Robots. The scene I described happens in the movie except that it was robots. As long as they are just robots it’s fine, but once you start thinking of them as people, it all falls apart.
What happens when you have both of these scenarios in one movie? You have Micheal Bay’s Transformers franchise. Bay attempts to give the robots personality and human behaviors so you see them as living creatures and then mutilates them horribly. After seeing the second one, I’ll never look at Optimus Prime the same again. It’s not so much that he acts out of character or overly goofy. We are expected to look past all of the hyper violence because it’s between robots and not organic characters. In the first movie, Megatron tears Jazz in half on screen (which, while ultra violent, was at least done by a bad guy). Bumblebee has his legs blown off and Prime stabs a Decepticon through the throat and decapitates him. At the time I didn’t really think much of it. They just took the knock out brawls of the original series and made them more adult. Then I saw the second one.
[SPOILER ALERT]
In this one, Bay cranked up the level of robot violence. Prime uses hooks to rip someone’s face off. Not only that but you have the robots spurting “blood” when punched, and getting “teeth” knocked out. The ultimate scene is at the end when Prime punches the Fallen’s face off, punches through his chest, and crushes his beating “heart” in his hand. Now I’m not saying that I would have prefered a movie where the final showdown involved long discussions about feelings and then a group hug, but I wasn’t expecting to see what I saw. Also, I’m not under any pretensions that the original transformers series wasn’t violent but it was mostly laser gunfights and bare knuckle brawling. The worst that could happen was someone was “knocked out” but was back for more in next week’s episode. More importantly, I wouldn’t have expected this kind of conduct by the leader of the Autobots. They are supposed to be the paragons of good and fair play not ultraviolent killing machines. I don’t know if I can see Prime as a hero to be idolized after this. That makes me sad in ways I can’t even begin to count. My inner child is cowering in the corner, weeping in fear of Optimus Prime.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Jul 17th
This week’s theme is epic deaths. Coincidentally, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince comes out this week as well. In case you haven’t read the book and have been living under a Harry Potter-free rock, a very major and epic character dies at the end of it. I’ll try not to spoil it.
For the uninitiated, this is the 6th movie in the series and shows us the sixth year that Harry and Classmates spend at Hogwarts school of withcraft and wizardry. Evil is on the rise in the wizarding world to the point of it spilling out into the muggle world. Harry returns to school ready to learn the knowledge needed to finally defeat Lord Voldemort. Anyone who has read the books knows this is the very short, short set up for the book/movie.
This movie is easily my favorite of the series thus far. It blends and balances humor, adolescent awkwardness, drama, and suspense together practically perfectly. You have the main characters acting like normal teenagers with all the pitfalls of hormones, dating, and snogging (make-out sessions for the yanks). So the best parts are…in no particular order: humor, Slughorn, Snape, and Malfoy. Let’s break it down.
The humor in this movie is appropriate and well timed and executed. Some of you may remember my review of Ice Age 3. One of my main complaints was that the humor was too vulgar for a kid’s movie. This movie, by contrast, has a couple of “mature” jokes but they are subtle in the way British humor can be with more wit and layers of meaning. Let me give you an example. Ron is trying out for the quidditch team. He is competing against a bigger, jockier Cormac McLaggen for the keeper position. They are also showing off for the girls in the audience. Cormac is given what seems to be an overly large and girthy broomstick while Ron has a more modest model. Now had the makers of Ice Age made this movie, an attractive female character would probably offer to wax Cormac’s broomstick and Ron’s broomstick would droop (magically) in disappointment. As you can see, the same comparison of broomsticks to genitals was made but Harry Potter comes out on top for subtlety and tact. The humor in this movie stems from the awkwardness of youth. That time in your life when you start to notice members of the opposite sex. I don’t really want to spoil too many of the jokes but I will say that the scenes with Lavender Brown are awesome. That girl has some comedic chops. The last thing I’ll say about the humor is that it does a good job of lightening the mood away from some of the heavier events happening around it. In some films, humor can be disjointed and off putting, breaking the tension and losing the audience. This movie has none of that. You go from serious to funny and back again without losing focus or flow of narrative.
The acting performances stood out in this film. The films have always been a who’s who of classically trained British actors from Alan Rickman to Maggie Smith and this installment is no exception. The new addition to the cast this time around is Jim Broadbent as potions teacher, Professor Slughorn. Broadbent plays the role almost exactly as I pictured him while I was reading the book. You get a real sense of someone who carries a very deep shame and regret and is fighting to keep it a secret. All the other actors give the same quality performances that we have come to expect from them. I do want to give specific kudos to a couple of performers, Alan Rickman, and Tom Felton. Rickman is given quite a few more scenes in this one and pretty much steals any scene he’s in. He even steals scenes where he’s just in the background as you can just imagine what his character is thinking. Oh the scorn and disgust. As a disclaimer, I have been a huge fan of Rickman’s work since Die Hard and Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. The other performance that bears mention is Tom Felton as Draco Malfoy. This time around Malfoy is given whole new levels of character. He really moves from being just a jerky bully to that borderline between evil and good. You really see him struggle with the task he has to complete. Nowhere is it more apparent than in the final scenes. If you’ve read the book you know what I’m talking about. Felton plays it just like the character would, given all that’s happened so far. Not to leave them out, the main actors are good as well. This cast has really matured well as the movies go along. The movies get more complex and so do their performances.
What’s not so good you ask?
Harry Potter purists may take offense at all the material left out of the film. But that wasn’t my problem. I’ve always seen the films as a supplement to the books. The only problem I had was the lack of half blood prince storyline. In case you haven’t read the book, Harry comes into the possession of a potions textbook that was once owned by a self proclaimed “half blood prince” (hbp). Hpb left thorough notes in the margin of said textbook that basically carry Harry through potions class. In the end, Harry becomes very attached to the book and begins to relate to the character of hbp. Then he finds out who it is and is shaken by the revelation. The problem the film had was that it didn’t have the time to develop the relationship Harry had with hbp. So, the revelation at the end feels very tacked on and out of left field. If they could have gotten away with it, the makers might have been better off to drop some of it and then rename the movie. Really that’s a small complaint in a film this good. I will say one thing, though. If you haven’t read the books or seen the movies in a while you may want to get caught up a little before seeing this film so that you can remind yourself of all the characters.
So far I’ve done a pretty good job of avoiding spoilers. From now on I will be spoiling parts of the movie/book as I discuss some of the departures from the source material.
I’m going to put in my unicorn rating here. That way you can get my overall impression without reading the spoilers ahead.
5/5 - Punched in the face by AWESOME!
Okay so what did they change? Not too much, other than leaving some stuff out. I’m not going to discuss all that was left out more what they changed.
The opening is completely different. Instead of Dumbledore coming to pick up Harry at the Dursleys, he instead picks up Harry in a subway station. I don’t know what the reason for this was other than to move the story along a little faster. You don’t have the interaction between Dumbledore and Harry’s extened family. This may not seem significant except that it set up a couple things in the final film, such as the reason for Petunia’s utter dislike of all things magical even though her sister was a witch.
The filmmakers actually do add a scene into the film. This is the first time that anything has been added to the stories. Everyone is celebrating Christmas at the Weasley’s home when they are attacked by death eaters. They fly in, start some fires, rattle their sticks, and fly out. Over all this scene seems unnecessary. We know death eaters are jerks. We really don’t need this scene to prove it. It does show that no one is safe from their attacks, though, and that may have been the point.
The ending also has some odd differences from the book. I’ll take them in order. Harry is not in the room when Dumbledore is killed. Dumbledore tells him to hide below and not to make any noise. I thought this was an interesting choice. I think, in a way, it draws a parallel between Harry and Malfoy. Malfoy is charged with killing Dumbledore and does it out of a fear of death. Harry must sit back and watch it all happen and not interfere and he does it out of loyalty and devotion to Dumbledore. It also serves to galvanize Harry into taking out Voldemort as he, Harry, now has some guilt over his inability to save Dumbledore. After killing Dumbledore, Snape and the death eaters just walk out of Hogwarts. In the book, there was more of a to do. They had an actual fight with the faculty and students. I’m not sure why they did it this way other than the book ending would have been costly in stunts and effects. Hopefully they will redeem themselves with the fight at the end of the seventh book. Lastly, the movie seems to end before Dumbledore’s funeral. My hope is that they will open the first part of the seventh movie with the funeral. I guess I could live without the funeral scene but it would have been a nice tribute to the character of Dumbledore. I know the movies are about Harry but Dumbledore is the Gandalf of the Harry Potter universe.
So that’s my take on the new movie. Next week, I should be back on some Star Wars related content.
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
Jul 10th
What better way to beat the Tatooine heat than in an air conditioned theater? And what better movie to see than Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs? I mean this movie just screams cool with it’s boundless Hoth-like ice vistas and waist high snowdrifts. Well all may not be well in this threequal.
I should have known I was in trouble just based on the trailers alone. I think I’ll start there. First, there was G-force, the movie about guinea pig spies with famous actor voices. I remember when a Jerry Bruckheimer movie meant something instead of mindless Disney action crap. Next came Fame. This trailer spent most of it’s time comparing itself to Harry Potter. I know that when I think of Hogwarts school for witchcraft and wizardry, I immediately conjure images of inner city dance offs. Although it would be funny to hear Harry tell Voldemort that he “got served.” After that was Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Here we have another attempt to take a very short, well loved picture book and bastardize it into a cash cow. I don’t think the movie has anything to do with the source material other than the title and, at some point it does, in fact, rain meatballs. Then there was the inevitable sequel or “squeakquel” to Alvin and the Chipmunks. Now with Chipettes!! One trailer that did look good was the trailer for the cg remake of the japanese anime, Astroboy. And last, but not least, Aliens in the Attic. Aliens invade tween home and tweens fight back. Really the only reason to see this is the fight sequence between senile grandma and d-bag boyfriend of love interest (Grandma does a spinning uppercut right out of street fighter.) So unless I get desperate or have to take the niece to the movies, I’ll be spending a lot of time not going to movies in the next few months. Seriously when did children’s movies get so bad and uninspired? I think I died a little inside when the audience got excited about Alvin 2. Anyway enough with this let’s get on to what you really wanted to find out about, Ice Age 3.
To sum up, Ice Age Dawn of the Dinosaurs is another animated sequel that is unnecessary and should not have been released in theaters. I feel this film would have been better served as a direct to video sequel as opposed to a theatrical release. Let me explain that a little. The movie isn’t horrible and unwatchable, but it is not up to par with the previous films or other films of its kind.
Let’s start with the good. All the original actors are back for this one and they all do the best with what they are given. The animation is very good. One of the bench marks I look for in cg film is how well the animators can render wet fur. This may seem like a minor thing but picture in your head a real wet dog. Now move in close and look at the fur, the randomness of pattern and clumping, the look of the skin underneath. Anyway Ice Age does deliver some impressive work with the cg. Ice age has always had a more stylized look than some other films but this one definitely has some polish on that style. The fur looks good. The addition of dinosaurs into the mix adds some new textures to the pallet and they look good as well. One shot in particular was pretty impressive, the dino-dogfight scene. Buck and the possums are riding on the back of a Pterodactyl and engage in a pretty impressive dogfight with other flying dinosaurs, swooping through canyons, engines “stalling out,” near misses of cliffs and canyon walls etc. The last thing that was good about this was the new addition Buck the weasel voiced by Simon Pegg. Buck is a their guide in the land of dinosaurs. Since he is the only mammal living among dinosaurs, he has gone a little crazy. His off hand comments and insane ramblings were the only source of humor I found in this film. I did have some problems with him as well but I’ll get into those when I discuss my overall problems with the film.
Which is now.
I had some minor problems and then one major problem with this film. We’ll start small and build.
I’m not sure who the humor in this movie was written for. There are a couple of jokes that are meant for an adult audience but this is a family/children’s film. I’ll try not to spoil too much of the movie but I have to tell you what the jokes were so you know what my concerns are. Here they are with no context or set up: Milking a bull, performing sex change operations with seashells, and butterflies “coming out.” I realize that these probably went over the heads of many of the kids in the audience but that doesn’t mean they were appropriate. My wife made a good point, “It’s like cussing in front of your baby. Yeah they don’t understand it but that doesn’t mean you should do it.” Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a raunch fest as much as any other red blooded american male but there is a time and place for it. I really don’t want to have the image in my head of Sid the sloth grabbing a big ol’ handful of yak penis. If I was watching something by national lampoon’s or judd apatow, sure why not, but here just seemed inappropriate. As a counter point to this low brow humor, the filmmakers threw in a high brow reference. Buck is compared to Captain Ahab from Moby Dick. Even including a scene were he sits atop a mast-like tree as Rudy the great white dinosaur circles in the curling tempest of storm clouds. To be honest, I’m not too sure how many people in the audience caught the Moby Dick reference.
Along the lines of odd humor are the squirrels. I know that he is a stable of this series and must make an appearance but by this point his adventures are getting sad. Let him get the acorn already! His quest is hampered this time by a female squirrel, Skratte. This part I didn’t particularly have a problem with. He seemed like a pretty attractive but bumbling squirrel. He should find some love in his life and their Tom and Jerry antics and “sexual tension” was amusing for the most part. Where it gets weird is when the two squirrels finally hook up, the acorn gets jealous. Yeah you read that right, they are somehow able to make an inanimate object have an emotion. I do have to give them kudos for that except that at the time I was a little unnerved by it. For one, it’s an acorn, and two if Scrat were to ever get the acorn, he would eat it. I love pizza but I wouldn’t want to have sex with it. By the same token, I love my wife but don’t have the slightest inclination to eat her. See how this movie takes a kind of weird turn.
Now you may be thinking to yourself, “huh if he had this much trouble with these ‘minor’ problems, what could out rank them as a ‘major’ problem?” That’s a good question and let me answer it by saying that the movie seemed to have no strong moral, message, or purposeful plot. That major enough for you? Let me get you up to speed. Manny and Elle are expecting their first child. Diego is starting to feel a little old and not really wanting be a part of the new family about to happen. Sid can’t wait to babysit the baby mammoth but being the clumsy fool he is, Manny is reluctant to let him anywhere near the baby once it’s born. Sid decides to start his own family and stumbles upon 3 dinosaur eggs that he decides to raise. The mom comes back and kidnaps Sid to the land of dinosaurs. I think you can probably figure out where the story goes from here. And that’s part of the problem. That’s all there is to the story, rescue Sid. I realize that there are only so many plots in the world and that most of them can be simply stated in a couple of words. What makes a good story, and especially a kid’s story, is the message or theme that ties it all together and enriches it. Dawn of the Dinosaurs has no over arching message or theme. There are a bunch of mini themes but none of them is big enough to carry the movie. The first movie dealt with the idea of what makes up a herd (family). Different animals coming together for their mutual betterment in spite of their differences. The second was all about Manny’s need for companionship and fear of being the last of his kind. The third one just seemed to be thrown together with no purpose. It’s just an adventure they have but no one really learns or grows as a character. They could have gone a lot of directions. Manny learns that he could be a good parent. Sid and Diego find mates of their own so everyone can start families. The dinosaur land is threatened by global cooling and they have to save the dinosaur environment. See what I did there? I came up with a few themes in the span of about 5 minutes that would have tied this movie together.
Plus the characters make dumb choices. The main one being Elle, in the final stages of pregnancy, following them into the land of dinosaurs. I don’t have experience with late term pregnant women but I think the last thing they would want in their 9th month is adventure that includes running away from velociraptors. I know Queen Latifah is awesome and all and stole the second movie but that doesn’t mean you have to shoe horn her into a movie where her character doesn’t belong.
In summation, your kids will like this movie. The images are pretty. The action fast paced. The physical humor juvenile. Educated and discerning adults, however, may not find the movie as good. You may think that I would give this a 1 or 0 rating but it wasn’t that bad, just muddy and off. If you liked the other ones, you’ll enjoy it, but probably not love it.
I give it:
2/5 - For the already converted ONLY!
Summer in a Galaxy Far, Far Away
Jul 3rd
The womprats are only seen at night. The Tusken raiders have moved on to cooler climes. It must be summer on Tatooine. So what is there to do? Well, you could try to get into Jabba’s palace for a little exotic dance revue. But then you’d have to put up with the smell and the ever present danger of being fed to the rancor. Or you could head into Toshii Station for some power converters. If neither of these sound like a good idea, check out this list of Star Wars related items for this summer season.
Television
There are really only 2 things on television to excite fans this summer. The first is reruns of the clone wars on cartoon network. You may be asking, “but Jezmon, why get excited about reruns?” Force-slap for interrupting. The official site is hosting “decoded” episodes of the series. Basically pop-up video. For those younglings too small to remember pop up video, facts and trivia about the characters and story “pop-up” on screen throughout the episode. I know that, strictly speaking, this is not on “tv” but that’s where the series originated, so force-slap for questioning my judgment.
Aside, from watching reruns of the Clone Wars series on Cartoon Network, all true star wars fans should watch the Star Wars Comic-Con Spectacular on G4 on July 25th. Basically this is the star wars panel at the con. Any big announcements for the coming year/years should be made in this forum. As a fan, this should be on your DVR’s to do list. If you call your self a big fan but don’t plan on watching, I may have to pay you a visit and cut up your membership card with my lightsaber.
Comics
This summer offers all the same ongoing series from Dark Horse plus one new title.
I’ll start with the one new title starting this summer, Invasion. This is the first comic set during the Youzahn Vong war. The story is supposed to weave in and out of the novels that first chronicled the war. It looks to be an interesting series. Check out the preview here. If you want my brief cliff notes-esque over view of the war click here.
The next thing I want to cover is Legacy. Legacy takes place about 150 years after A New Hope and follows the adventures of Luke’s great-grandson, Cade Skywalker. This summer the series moves to Tatooine. This should be the event that firmly places Legacy in the cannon. We all know that you can’t really have a star wars era/storyline without going to Tatooine at some point. The cover for the August issue shows Cade having a lightsaber fight with Luke Skywalker. That should be interesting.
Books
If you’ve got a few extra credits lying around, a new series of Star Wars novels starts this summer. The bad news is that they are all hardcover. The good news is that 2 of the authors (Denning and Allston) of this series also wrote the superb Legacy of the Force series. I don’t recommend starting this series without having read Legacy of the Force first. The first 2 books are on shelves now and the third is due out in august.
DVD
Coming this summer to a dvd player near you.
Yep that’s right the guys from robot chicken are back, poking fun at star wars. This is set to release on July 21st. If you don’t want to wait that long you can get most of the clips on the adult swim site. Clips like this one from the first special.
Or this one from the second special.
The other big Dvd release this summer is out now, Fanboys.
This love letter to Lucas and Star Wars fans everywhere should have a spot on every fan’s video library. If you haven’t seen this you should. It has a lot of big cameos and fights with trekkies. I don’t think I need to say anymore.
Toys
Here we have a variety of pool toys available now. What better way to lounge in the pool than on your very own x-wing (complete with squirt gun)? The one toy I like, and will be trying to track down, is the R2-D2 floating drink island. I mean, really, how cool is that? The only thing that would make it better would be if the R2 top opened and he had ice inside. Maybe in next year’s model.
Video Games
There may not be much coming out soon in the galaxy far far away, but that doesn’t mean you can’t start getting excited about The Old Republic. Bioware are working on the next chapter of their force-tastic KOTOR series. This time set in a MMORPG format. Coming from Bioware, the game will have a stronger story and be completely voiced. A cinematic trailer was released last month at E3. If you haven’t seen it, check it out or you will have to hand in your plastic lightsaber.
Roleplaying Games
The big release this summer from Wizards of the Coast is the Jedi Academy Training Manual and associated miniatures. This book enhances Jedi in any campaign, giving them more powers, lightsaber customization options, and force sensitive villains to fight. The book is out now and the miniatures should be hitting shelves this week.
That should do it. Have a great summer and may the force be with you.
Legacy of the Force Reviewed…Finally
Jun 26th
I started out thinking I would just do a review for every book in this series. The problem was that as I went along, that prospect seemed to make less and less sense. This series really is just one long story covering many perspectives, characters, and locations, so breaking a review into many pieces wouldn’t do justice to what the authors have accomplished.
Dispatches from the Holonet
Apr 8th
Hey all Jezmon here. I’ve taken it upon myself to bring you Normalinauts a semi-regular update on the state of the Star Wars universe.
As you know, our faithful leader has an unending love for the “holy trilogy” (his son’s middle name is Skywalker for Force’s sake). He and I have shared this love together all through our formative years. Sadly, his literary tastes have taken him far from the galaxy far, far away, but that doesn’t mean someone can’t take it upon himself to keep you up to date.
So what can you expect from this column?
-
Regular reviews of whatever star wars related materials I’m currently reading(novels, comics)
-
Updates regarding new star wars products (toys, rpgs, video games, etc.)
-
Guides to get you up to speed so you can jump into or back into the universe.
Currently I am in the middle of the excellent Legacy of the Force series so my first column will get you up to speed on what’s happened in the timeline up the start of the series. Followed by a review of the first novel.
I’ll leave you with one of the best fake star wars products ever produced. Originally from Thinkgeek’s April fools day site, the tauntaun sleeping bag.
Now even though this is a fake product, I’m sure there are crafty star wars nerds somewhere trying to make real ones.