Archive for July, 2009

A Plea for Restraint…Hollywood, Leave This One Alone

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phantom-tollboothWhen I was kid…other than the aformentioned love of GI Joe, my other main source of entertainment came from sports; baseball and soccer, specifically.  Whenever I had a book report due, I would make my dad take me to the library so that I could find the next in a seemingly (to my nine year old mind) never ending line of baseball biographies.  I read books about every conceivable player you can imagine.  Jackie Robinson’s autobiography remains one of my all time favorite books (and even if you don’t like baseball, it’s a great book), and I fondly remember reading about Ted Williams, Mel Ott, Whitey Ford…just way too many to name.

The Corona Public Library is not a great bastion of printed texts and, so, I did eventually exhaust its collection of books about baseball players.  I soon turned to fictional childrens books about baseball, but I found them either poorly written or not actually about baseball.

Dejected, I found myself at a school book fair and happened upon a book whose cover featured a boy and dog with a clock on his side.

At this point in my life, the only real piece of fantasy that I loved was Peter Pan, but I chalked it up to an aberration of my young mind.

I’m not sure why I felt attracted to The Phantom Tollbooth.  It really was unlike anything I had ever read.  For whatever reason, I got the book and started it that night.

I couldn’t put it down.

Probably, and this is based on my poorly conceived notions of 9 year old psychology, I connected with the character of Milo.  I didn’t have a terrible childhood.  I mean, we all go through shit as kids, and in fact, a lot of the really bad shit that happened to me occurred after I read the book.  But I had sometimes wondered what it would be like to just go off and disappear.

I remember reading the book…the first time I had ever read anything in this way…and imagining myself as the boy who, inexplicably, finds a small car and a tollbooth in my room and quickly enters another world.  It was probably the first time where I really understood the power of the written word; its ability to transport a person into any possible existence, even if for a little while.

The book even changed the way in which I approached my other early fantasy love.  I re-read Peter Pan after that and, I think, started to understand what it was that Barrie was doing with his own story about children transported into another world.

My hope is that I can pass The Phantom Tollbooth onto my kids without it being co-opted by hollywood.  There is an animated version in existence.  But it was made by Chuck Jones.  As far as film versions go, it can’t be improved upon and, anyway, its Chuck fucking Jones!

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Selina’s praise, and a few thoughts on storytellers

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1118741b6a7b6825b96089ce115a97b6If we had schoolwork to attend to when we returned to our classrooms, it didn’t matter. Was he telling the factual truth? It doesn’t matter at this point. I think about this young man, in his jeans and his t-shirt, who stood for an hour, probably less, on the stage in our school cafeteria and mesmerized us with a story about a pet snake he had owned as a child. I’ve learned that storytellers used to paint images of story elements on their cave walls, to remind them of their place in the story…like post it notes. From those origins, where storytellers would chant and dance and share stories with an audience, we have evolved as a species to where we now articulate these stories with verbs and nouns and the occasional use of proper grammar. I sat there mesmerized, thousands of years of evolution culminating into such a short span of time. Who would think a good time would take so long to perfect? I wanted to be a part of that heritage one day. Then I found myself sitting in the grass with the rest of the class outside of the classroom about two weeks later.

Everyone was talking about the man with the snake story, and about the pets they owned. Most of the kids had goldfish, or dogs, or cats. There was this one boy, I’ll call him Soda Truck because that’s the nickname he gave himself in the classroom yearbook that was passed out at the end of the year. He really called himself Soda Truck, which I didn’t understand because I always saw him drinking milk. There were four of us, myself and three girls; Jessica, Lisa, and Selina. Selina lived in the same building I did. I liked Selina, and I had stayed quiet while the other girls told what pets they had. I was biding my time. Goldfish all around, which was exciting for me because I had a parakeet. I thought this would impress her. Soda Truck had been listening and looking over, and I had kept making eye contact with him, which I didn’t want to do. Just when I was about to jump in and say I had a parakeet, to which I expected to receive a reaction of awe, Soda cuts me off and starts talking about this chinchilla he has. He tells us about how it’s this little ball of fur with these huge eyes and this long and fluffy tail. The girls were eating this up, and I didn’t want to be outdone.

I told them I had a marsupial.

I’m pretty sure I had never seen a marsupial at that point in my life. It must have been a word I had heard one night while falling asleep with the television on. Yet there I sat with three girls and one guy in complete silence after I had revealed that I had a marsupial. I didn’t even know what one was, but I had all of their attention, including Selina’s.

I wasn’t completely sure what a marsupial was. I didn’t even know how many varieties there were of them at the time. From koalas, kangaroos, brushtail possums to the sugar glider, something that looks like a giant squirrel but with a smaller snout.  Lisa asked me what it was like, and I just started talking. I said it was about a little bigger than a cat. I had my arms stretched out to illustrate the size of the animal. My teacher gave me this odd look, but she was smiling, and she asked me if it had a pouch, because that’s what marsupials have to carry their  young in. I said it did. What’s its name, someone asked. Lord Jingles, I said back. And he definitely has a pouch, and sometimes my brother likes to hide things in it, so I have to keep him away from Lord Jingles. This went on for a few minutes until we went back inside and started to work on the math portion of the day’s lesson.

My brother Jorge and I sat in our room that afternoon while our Mom made us dinner. Jorge had been sick the last few days with a flu, and he had all of the windows closed because the light bothered him. Every time he had a flu or a cold or the chicken pox, the windows would be closed and I would have to turn on a small lamp to read anything in the afternoon. We sat there talking about my day at school, and I told him about Lord Jingles. When he asked me why I had done it, I told him, and he understood.

“Do you think anyone will ever figure it out?” he said.

I told him probably not. They would probably forget it in a few days. So the next day I went to school. It was a few minutes after I came back from recess that one of the security guards came to get me. My brother had been checked into the hospital at around nine that morning. They had to hold me down after that, and I cried in the corner of the room. I knew he had been sick, but I didn’t think he would have to go to the hospital. My Mom was sitting in the office when they brought me in with my eyes all red.

“Who is Lord Jingles?” she said to me.

Selina had been impressed when she thought I had a marsupial. She talked about it with her friends, and then her sisters, and then her sisters told their mother. Animal control had come by at eight thirty that morning. They informed our mother about reports of an illegal animal on the premises. They asked her to stand aside so they could check the house, and they started going through the house.  When they went into my room, my brother made a squeak, and the room was so dark because the curtains were down, and the guy from animal control must have been new at his job because my mom says he just jumped up and my brother jumped out of bed after that. And the guy shot him with one of the tranquilizer darts, right in the left buttocks . The tranquilizer wasn’t too strong, the man from animal control had come prepared to deal with something the size of a house cat. However, my brother always had health problems. He had an allergic reaction to the chemicals in the dart. They had to remove part of his buttocks in order to prevent infection from spreading.

My brother and I don’t talk very often these days. I tried to make it up to him. I gave him my bike, I cleaned his dishes for years. I even made a little pillow he could put to the side and sit on so he wouldn’t be lopsided when he sat at the dinner table.



The “Wheel of Time” Keeps on Turning

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thegatheringstormuscoverSo here we go. This week on Normality Restored we are talking about our raped childhoods. In my case it is not so much my raped childhood, as my raped mid-teens to early twenties. I began to read Robert Jordan’s fantastic “Wheel of Time” series as a junior in high school and I absolutely loved it. As many of you know Jordan passed away in 2005 of a rare blood disease. Knowing that he was about to die, Jordan put together as much of the final “Wheel of Time” book as he possibly could. He understood well that there was a possibility he would not be able to finish it. Alas, the author was right and the book was unfinished at the time of his death. A new writer, Brandon Sanderson, was found to finish off the novel which brings us to today.
I would like to be clear from the start and state that it is not my intent, in any way, to slight Mr. Sanderson. I have never read any of his novels (although I have often lifted them from the shelves of bookstores and pondered them with interest; only to be distracted by some shiny new Stephen King or dusty old classic) and, therefore, do not have anything to say about his writing style in comparison to Jordan’s. For all I know Mr. Sanderson may be the next J. R. R. Tolkien. I will be focusing, however, more on the decisions made over (this book) these books.

I understand fully the want to see a favorite story finished yet, in many ways, the tale dies with its creator. How many of us have read or seen a sequel to a novel or film, that was not produced bu the original creative team, that was simply sub-par (which is, to be honest, is more often than not the case)? How many times have we gotten our hopes up simply to be let down by new creators (not because they are poor creators but simply because they are trying to control something they simply did not make)? It’s like cooks touch, all of the ingredients could be there, in the right proportions but if the cook stirs it one too many times or leaves it on the stove for a fraction of a second too long things can fall apart (which is why I don’t generally share my recipes).

I am frustrated with the idea of turning one novel into three, this may seem very jaded of me but the act appears to be nothing more than a money grab. Why would a company possibly want to sell a 2,100 page novel for thirty or thirty-five dollars when it can sell three 700 page novels for twenty-five dollars a piece. We all went through basic math and know that the hungry alligator likes seventy-five dollars more than thirty-five (75 > 35). So there you have it, might as well split the novel into three novels to get into the pockets of those loyal fans. There may be other reasons for this decision but it seems wrong, nonetheless. Besides, Jordan wanted it all to be one more novel and shouldn’t the wishes of a dying man be respected? If he had planned for three more novels then three it would be. I would have no problem with that.

Long before the announcement of Sanderson taking over, I had determined that my own personal “Wheel of Time” reading experience would end with “Knife of Dreams,” the last book that Jordan wrote cover to cover. I have two cousins and a sibling who have all read Jordan’s books and intend on finishing out the series with Sanderson. I am sure that they will enjoy the books, but for me, I would rather remember what was than what might have been. I have become agitated with the growing trend of writers taking over the works of others. Recently I have seen on the bookshelves “Devil May Care” a new James Bond tale not written by Ian Fleming. “The Bourne Deception,” not written by Robert Ludlum. Hell, someone even tried to write a sequel to “Catcher in the Rye” this year; thank god J. D. Salinger is still alive to protect his work. If a work is unfinished I would like to suggest two options. Release the notes that the author had or simply let sleeping dogs lie.

stoker01

Reliving your childhood games for $5.99

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GOG.com_blk_300x250I have a strong nostalgia for older PC games.  Some of it comes from wanting to relive my gaming glory days from high school through college.  The rest stems from the fact that I don’t own an uber PC (like Exsulis) that allows me to play all the latest whiz-bang games out on the current market.  Alas, because of moving so much, and older games not playing well with more modern computers, I thought I was destined to be content with memories.  Thus, enter the company known as “Good Old Games” or GOG.com.

GOG.com is a team of people that weren’t just content to be nostalgic.  No! They did some wheeling and dealing with developers and game publishers and brought back to life some very classic and enjoyable PC games for today’s systems.  They’ve taken great effort to make their games compatible for today’s Windows XP and Vista systems. The best part, however, is that all of their games are DRM free!  Their philosophy “…at GOG.com you don’t just buy the game, you actually own it. Once you download a game, you can install it on any PC and re-download it whenever you want, as many times as you need, and you can play it without an internet connection.

My first purchase from GOG was the RTS “Stronghold” which I installed on my MSI Wind U120 netbook.  This way, I could enjoy some gaming on my low power machine during lunch breaks.  Being a game that was published back in 2001, I felt pretty confident my little netbook could handle the game.  After downloading and installing, it ran smoothly and allowed me to begin my campaign to lay waste to rogue barons and arch-dukes.  All while listening to appropriate music being piped in from my travel speakers.

In terms of pricing, I can’t really argue too much.  Most titles are $5.99 with some of the more robust or popular games hitting $9.99.  But again, being DRM free, with unlimited downloads, it is quite a steal.  GOG has also been able to secure exclusive content with most of the games ranging from free wallpapers, copies of the soundtracks, hint guides/walkthroughs or behind the scenes videos.  Things that would not normally come with the games or you would have to wait until some form of “Collectors Edition” hit the market.

At this point I have been very satisfied with how easy it is to navigate their site and purchase a product.  Their forum community is very well-behaved and does it’s best to help members with technical issues relating to their games.  They’ve also implemented a “wishlist” system when you create an account, so that as you’re browsing, all you need is a quick click to help you remember why you’re saving that spare change in the center console of the car.  I currently have both Freespace/Freespace 2 on my wishlist as well as  Fallout/Fallout 2.  I give GOG a NR unicorn rating of:

4/5 - Nearly classic!

4/5 - Nearly classic!

tengu01

The Right Stuff-Bill Conti

Tears of a Robot

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transformers-geewunThis week I’ll be looking at robots in a couple of modern franchises.  It’s pretty shocking what some film makers will do to robots just because they aren’t human.

Let’s get down to the core of the issue. Robots are machines. The problem comes when people either want to make them unnecessarily human or put in purely robot scenes that make humans uncomfortable.

Let’s look at the first point. Star Wars: the Clone Wars goes to great lengths to give battle droids personality. “But Threepio and Artoo have personality and they’re robots in Star Wars.” True, but not in the same way. Firstly, they are meant to be characters. Secondly, from a design stand point, they are designed to interact with humanoids. Thus there is the expectation that they would be more human-like in appearance and demeanor. Artoo doesn’t fit this criteria but gets as pass based on the fact that he is a good guy.  The problem with battle droids is that they are meant to be machines of death and destruction. Why on earth would you give that a personality, much less a goofy comic relief personality? In case you aren’t familiar with the Clone Wars series, the droids have discussions among themselves about what is going on and chastise each other for incompetence. I personally think that they shouldn’t talk to each other and if they need to vocalize, it should be tactical information delivered to non-robot commanders. Seems a waste of time for them to talk at all when they could transmit data at super speeds. Also, on some level, they are meant to be cannon fodder so it seems to be a huge waste of resources to give them all personalities. Getting back to my point, battle droids should be scary to kids; a never ending march of automotons bringing death. They shouldn’t be the comic relief. The makers could learn a lot from the Terminator movies. Those are some badass silent killing machines!

My second point is robots doing robot things that would be creepy if humans did them. The mark of any good film is that the characters are relatable no matter their circumstances. This gets weird when you consider robot characters. In a good film, you stop thinking of them as machines and more as organic creatures. Which is all well and fine until you have robots scavenging parts from other characters. To put it in organic terms: if I was walking down the street and saw someone fall over dead and went over and removed their hand in case I needed it later, i would be locked up for a very long time. The first time I really came across this sort of robotic cannibalism was in the fox animated movie, Robots. The scene I described happens in the movie except that it was robots. As long as they are just robots it’s fine, but once you start thinking of them as people, it all falls apart.

What happens when you have both of these scenarios in one movie? You have Micheal Bay’s Transformers franchise.  Bay attempts to give the robots personality and human behaviors so you see them as living creatures and then mutilates them horribly.  After seeing the second one, I’ll never look at Optimus Prime the same again. It’s not so much that he acts out of character or overly goofy.  We are expected to look past all of the hyper violence because it’s between robots and not organic characters.  In the first movie, Megatron tears Jazz in half on screen (which, while ultra violent, was at least done by a bad guy). Bumblebee has his legs blown off and Prime stabs a Decepticon through the throat and decapitates him. At the time I didn’t really think much of it. They just took the knock out brawls of the original series and made them more adult. Then I saw the second one.

[SPOILER ALERT]

In this one, Bay cranked up the level of robot violence. Prime uses hooks to rip someone’s face off. Not only that but you have the robots spurting “blood” when punched, and getting “teeth” knocked out. The ultimate scene is at the end when Prime punches the Fallen’s face off, punches through his chest, and crushes his beating “heart” in his hand. Now I’m not saying that I would have prefered a movie where the final showdown involved long discussions about feelings and then a group hug, but I wasn’t expecting to see what I saw. Also, I’m not under any pretensions that the original transformers series wasn’t violent but it was mostly laser gunfights and bare knuckle brawling. The worst that could happen was someone was “knocked out” but was back for more in next week’s episode.  More importantly, I wouldn’t have expected this kind of conduct by the leader of the Autobots.  They are supposed to be the paragons of good and fair play not ultraviolent killing machines.  I don’t know if I can see Prime as a hero to be idolized after this.  That makes me sad in ways I can’t even begin to count. My inner child is cowering in the corner, weeping in fear of Optimus Prime.

jezmon_degyte01

This Week in Normality — Our Childhoods, Raped and Otherwise

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2009-07-30_raping_my_childhWhen I was in kindergarten (and Jezmon can verify this, by the way) my teacher (Mrs. Stevens) called me “Duke” because I insisted she do so (and she continued to until jr. high). Duke, of course, was my favorite character from GI Joe. To say that, as a young lad, I was liked GI Joe would be like saying “yeah, the universe is big.”

It might be a true statement, but it misses the point entirely.

I’m grown up now, of course, and I wasn’t anticipating a film incarnation of the Joes as much as I once did, say, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, but I was still excited about it…

Until I saw the trailer…and the accelerator suits.

It didn’t dawn on me at the time but, don’t the Joes, in their accelerator suits, remind you of Megaman?  Seriously, did no one realize that one of the things that was so great about the Joes is that they ALL LOOKED DIFFERENT?  They might as well be fucking clone warriors in those fucking suits.  Seriously, why are they even calling this a GI Joe movie?

I full expect that Dr. Wily will be part of the Cobra team if (gods please no!) a sequel is made.  It seems that, just as hollywood has decided to co-opt the comics world for its ravenous appetite, there really are no sacrosanct memories from our formative years.

This week, dear readers, Normality Restored presents to you:

A consideration of how the Wheel of Time will end, by Stoker.

Tengu takes a low priced trip down PC Gaming Nostalgia Way…and you can too!

Jezmon discusses recent uses of robots in Clone Wars and the latest film in the Transformers franchise.

Mustardseed recounts for us a tale from his formative years.

And I present to you the most formative text of my pre-teen years and ask that all filmmakers leave it the hell alone.

We hope you enjoy this, Our Childhoods, Raped and Otherwise, edition of Normality Restored.

kilian01

This Week in Normality — Suck It Comic Con

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picjennifergarneraselektraforblogI’m going to write this not as a long time Comic Con attendee, that particular take on the subject is covered (with much more insight than I could) by our own Stoker, but as a person who loves comics in general and, you know, expects that during the week of the biggest comic convention in the world could actually get some news on, you know, fucking comics!

Go ahead and open up another browser window, slide on over to google and type in “comic con news.” What kind of hits do you get?

Shit about the stupid ass New Moon panel and there was a 30 second clip from Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, and OH MY GOD! Johnny Depp was there…UNANNOUNCED!

Not to belabor the point that Stoker already made but, who the fuck cares?

I once wrote an open letter to Hollywood in which I made the analogy that we, the greater nerd populace, are nerds (OK, not a great analogy all the way around) and that you, Hollywood, are like the cute blond with big boobs who always got us to do your physics homework. You exploit what we really hold dear for opening weekend profits and we come back time and again.

I think the problem really comes down to the fact that, as nerds, we’ve always been jealous and afraid of the cool kids while at the same time, wanting to be them. I’d say that since the release of the first X-Men film, when Hollywood realized what a cash cow they had in the form of live action comic franchises, nerds all over the world have begun to believe that Hollywood (truly the coolest collection of people on the planet) cares about us.

They don’t.

You know for every Watchmen, or Dark Knight, or Sin City, we also get Ghost Rider, and X-Men 2 and 3. When filmmakers who are good, and care about comics, get involved then, sure we can get a kick ass movie, but we can also get Elektra.

It’s not worth it.

It’s not worth it because we are not their collective bitch…or, we are, but we don’t have to be.

kilian01

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