Where pop culture meets geek culture and they make out a little.
Archive for July, 2009
A Plea for Restraint…Hollywood, Leave This One Alone
Jul 31st
When I was kid…other than the aformentioned love of GI Joe, my other main source of entertainment came from sports; baseball and soccer, specifically. Whenever I had a book report due, I would make my dad take me to the library so that I could find the next in a seemingly (to my nine year old mind) never ending line of baseball biographies. I read books about every conceivable player you can imagine. Jackie Robinson’s autobiography remains one of my all time favorite books (and even if you don’t like baseball, it’s a great book), and I fondly remember reading about Ted Williams, Mel Ott, Whitey Ford…just way too many to name.
The Corona Public Library is not a great bastion of printed texts and, so, I did eventually exhaust its collection of books about baseball players. I soon turned to fictional childrens books about baseball, but I found them either poorly written or not actually about baseball.
Dejected, I found myself at a school book fair and happened upon a book whose cover featured a boy and dog with a clock on his side.
At this point in my life, the only real piece of fantasy that I loved was Peter Pan, but I chalked it up to an aberration of my young mind.
I’m not sure why I felt attracted to The Phantom Tollbooth. It really was unlike anything I had ever read. For whatever reason, I got the book and started it that night.
I couldn’t put it down.
Probably, and this is based on my poorly conceived notions of 9 year old psychology, I connected with the character of Milo. I didn’t have a terrible childhood. I mean, we all go through shit as kids, and in fact, a lot of the really bad shit that happened to me occurred after I read the book. But I had sometimes wondered what it would be like to just go off and disappear.
I remember reading the book…the first time I had ever read anything in this way…and imagining myself as the boy who, inexplicably, finds a small car and a tollbooth in my room and quickly enters another world. It was probably the first time where I really understood the power of the written word; its ability to transport a person into any possible existence, even if for a little while.
The book even changed the way in which I approached my other early fantasy love. I re-read Peter Pan after that and, I think, started to understand what it was that Barrie was doing with his own story about children transported into another world.
My hope is that I can pass The Phantom Tollbooth onto my kids without it being co-opted by hollywood. There is an animated version in existence. But it was made by Chuck Jones. As far as film versions go, it can’t be improved upon and, anyway, its Chuck fucking Jones!
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Selina’s praise, and a few thoughts on storytellers
Jul 31st
If we had schoolwork to attend to when we returned to our classrooms, it didn’t matter. Was he telling the factual truth? It doesn’t matter at this point. I think about this young man, in his jeans and his t-shirt, who stood for an hour, probably less, on the stage in our school cafeteria and mesmerized us with a story about a pet snake he had owned as a child. I’ve learned that storytellers used to paint images of story elements on their cave walls, to remind them of their place in the story…like post it notes. From those origins, where storytellers would chant and dance and share stories with an audience, we have evolved as a species to where we now articulate these stories with verbs and nouns and the occasional use of proper grammar. I sat there mesmerized, thousands of years of evolution culminating into such a short span of time. Who would think a good time would take so long to perfect? I wanted to be a part of that heritage one day. Then I found myself sitting in the grass with the rest of the class outside of the classroom about two weeks later.
Everyone was talking about the man with the snake story, and about the pets they owned. Most of the kids had goldfish, or dogs, or cats. There was this one boy, I’ll call him Soda Truck because that’s the nickname he gave himself in the classroom yearbook that was passed out at the end of the year. He really called himself Soda Truck, which I didn’t understand because I always saw him drinking milk. There were four of us, myself and three girls; Jessica, Lisa, and Selina. Selina lived in the same building I did. I liked Selina, and I had stayed quiet while the other girls told what pets they had. I was biding my time. Goldfish all around, which was exciting for me because I had a parakeet. I thought this would impress her. Soda Truck had been listening and looking over, and I had kept making eye contact with him, which I didn’t want to do. Just when I was about to jump in and say I had a parakeet, to which I expected to receive a reaction of awe, Soda cuts me off and starts talking about this chinchilla he has. He tells us about how it’s this little ball of fur with these huge eyes and this long and fluffy tail. The girls were eating this up, and I didn’t want to be outdone.
I told them I had a marsupial.
I’m pretty sure I had never seen a marsupial at that point in my life. It must have been a word I had heard one night while falling asleep with the television on. Yet there I sat with three girls and one guy in complete silence after I had revealed that I had a marsupial. I didn’t even know what one was, but I had all of their attention, including Selina’s.
I wasn’t completely sure what a marsupial was. I didn’t even know how many varieties there were of them at the time. From koalas, kangaroos, brushtail possums to the sugar glider, something that looks like a giant squirrel but with a smaller snout. Lisa asked me what it was like, and I just started talking. I said it was about a little bigger than a cat. I had my arms stretched out to illustrate the size of the animal. My teacher gave me this odd look, but she was smiling, and she asked me if it had a pouch, because that’s what marsupials have to carry their young in. I said it did. What’s its name, someone asked. Lord Jingles, I said back. And he definitely has a pouch, and sometimes my brother likes to hide things in it, so I have to keep him away from Lord Jingles. This went on for a few minutes until we went back inside and started to work on the math portion of the day’s lesson.
My brother Jorge and I sat in our room that afternoon while our Mom made us dinner. Jorge had been sick the last few days with a flu, and he had all of the windows closed because the light bothered him. Every time he had a flu or a cold or the chicken pox, the windows would be closed and I would have to turn on a small lamp to read anything in the afternoon. We sat there talking about my day at school, and I told him about Lord Jingles. When he asked me why I had done it, I told him, and he understood.
“Do you think anyone will ever figure it out?” he said.
I told him probably not. They would probably forget it in a few days. So the next day I went to school. It was a few minutes after I came back from recess that one of the security guards came to get me. My brother had been checked into the hospital at around nine that morning. They had to hold me down after that, and I cried in the corner of the room. I knew he had been sick, but I didn’t think he would have to go to the hospital. My Mom was sitting in the office when they brought me in with my eyes all red.
“Who is Lord Jingles?” she said to me.
Selina had been impressed when she thought I had a marsupial. She talked about it with her friends, and then her sisters, and then her sisters told their mother. Animal control had come by at eight thirty that morning. They informed our mother about reports of an illegal animal on the premises. They asked her to stand aside so they could check the house, and they started going through the house. When they went into my room, my brother made a squeak, and the room was so dark because the curtains were down, and the guy from animal control must have been new at his job because my mom says he just jumped up and my brother jumped out of bed after that. And the guy shot him with one of the tranquilizer darts, right in the left buttocks . The tranquilizer wasn’t too strong, the man from animal control had come prepared to deal with something the size of a house cat. However, my brother always had health problems. He had an allergic reaction to the chemicals in the dart. They had to remove part of his buttocks in order to prevent infection from spreading.
My brother and I don’t talk very often these days. I tried to make it up to him. I gave him my bike, I cleaned his dishes for years. I even made a little pillow he could put to the side and sit on so he wouldn’t be lopsided when he sat at the dinner table.
The “Wheel of Time” Keeps on Turning
Jul 31st
So here we go. This week on Normality Restored we are talking about our raped childhoods. In my case it is not so much my raped childhood, as my raped mid-teens to early twenties. I began to read Robert Jordan’s fantastic “Wheel of Time” series as a junior in high school and I absolutely loved it. As many of you know Jordan passed away in 2005 of a rare blood disease. Knowing that he was about to die, Jordan put together as much of the final “Wheel of Time” book as he possibly could. He understood well that there was a possibility he would not be able to finish it. Alas, the author was right and the book was unfinished at the time of his death. A new writer, Brandon Sanderson, was found to finish off the novel which brings us to today.
I would like to be clear from the start and state that it is not my intent, in any way, to slight Mr. Sanderson. I have never read any of his novels (although I have often lifted them from the shelves of bookstores and pondered them with interest; only to be distracted by some shiny new Stephen King or dusty old classic) and, therefore, do not have anything to say about his writing style in comparison to Jordan’s. For all I know Mr. Sanderson may be the next J. R. R. Tolkien. I will be focusing, however, more on the decisions made over (this book) these books.
I understand fully the want to see a favorite story finished yet, in many ways, the tale dies with its creator. How many of us have read or seen a sequel to a novel or film, that was not produced bu the original creative team, that was simply sub-par (which is, to be honest, is more often than not the case)? How many times have we gotten our hopes up simply to be let down by new creators (not because they are poor creators but simply because they are trying to control something they simply did not make)? It’s like cooks touch, all of the ingredients could be there, in the right proportions but if the cook stirs it one too many times or leaves it on the stove for a fraction of a second too long things can fall apart (which is why I don’t generally share my recipes).
I am frustrated with the idea of turning one novel into three, this may seem very jaded of me but the act appears to be nothing more than a money grab. Why would a company possibly want to sell a 2,100 page novel for thirty or thirty-five dollars when it can sell three 700 page novels for twenty-five dollars a piece. We all went through basic math and know that the hungry alligator likes seventy-five dollars more than thirty-five (75 > 35). So there you have it, might as well split the novel into three novels to get into the pockets of those loyal fans. There may be other reasons for this decision but it seems wrong, nonetheless. Besides, Jordan wanted it all to be one more novel and shouldn’t the wishes of a dying man be respected? If he had planned for three more novels then three it would be. I would have no problem with that.
Long before the announcement of Sanderson taking over, I had determined that my own personal “Wheel of Time” reading experience would end with “Knife of Dreams,” the last book that Jordan wrote cover to cover. I have two cousins and a sibling who have all read Jordan’s books and intend on finishing out the series with Sanderson. I am sure that they will enjoy the books, but for me, I would rather remember what was than what might have been. I have become agitated with the growing trend of writers taking over the works of others. Recently I have seen on the bookshelves “Devil May Care” a new James Bond tale not written by Ian Fleming. “The Bourne Deception,” not written by Robert Ludlum. Hell, someone even tried to write a sequel to “Catcher in the Rye” this year; thank god J. D. Salinger is still alive to protect his work. If a work is unfinished I would like to suggest two options. Release the notes that the author had or simply let sleeping dogs lie.
Reliving your childhood games for $5.99
Jul 31st
I have a strong nostalgia for older PC games. Some of it comes from wanting to relive my gaming glory days from high school through college. The rest stems from the fact that I don’t own an uber PC (like Exsulis) that allows me to play all the latest whiz-bang games out on the current market. Alas, because of moving so much, and older games not playing well with more modern computers, I thought I was destined to be content with memories. Thus, enter the company known as “Good Old Games” or GOG.com.
GOG.com is a team of people that weren’t just content to be nostalgic. No! They did some wheeling and dealing with developers and game publishers and brought back to life some very classic and enjoyable PC games for today’s systems. They’ve taken great effort to make their games compatible for today’s Windows XP and Vista systems. The best part, however, is that all of their games are DRM free! Their philosophy “…at GOG.com you don’t just buy the game, you actually own it. Once you download a game, you can install it on any PC and re-download it whenever you want, as many times as you need, and you can play it without an internet connection.”
My first purchase from GOG was the RTS “Stronghold” which I installed on my MSI Wind U120 netbook. This way, I could enjoy some gaming on my low power machine during lunch breaks. Being a game that was published back in 2001, I felt pretty confident my little netbook could handle the game. After downloading and installing, it ran smoothly and allowed me to begin my campaign to lay waste to rogue barons and arch-dukes. All while listening to appropriate music being piped in from my travel speakers.
In terms of pricing, I can’t really argue too much. Most titles are $5.99 with some of the more robust or popular games hitting $9.99. But again, being DRM free, with unlimited downloads, it is quite a steal. GOG has also been able to secure exclusive content with most of the games ranging from free wallpapers, copies of the soundtracks, hint guides/walkthroughs or behind the scenes videos. Things that would not normally come with the games or you would have to wait until some form of “Collectors Edition” hit the market.
At this point I have been very satisfied with how easy it is to navigate their site and purchase a product. Their forum community is very well-behaved and does it’s best to help members with technical issues relating to their games. They’ve also implemented a “wishlist” system when you create an account, so that as you’re browsing, all you need is a quick click to help you remember why you’re saving that spare change in the center console of the car. I currently have both Freespace/Freespace 2 on my wishlist as well as Fallout/Fallout 2. I give GOG a NR unicorn rating of:
4/5 - Nearly classic!
The Right Stuff-Bill Conti
Tears of a Robot
Jul 31st
This week I’ll be looking at robots in a couple of modern franchises. It’s pretty shocking what some film makers will do to robots just because they aren’t human.
Let’s get down to the core of the issue. Robots are machines. The problem comes when people either want to make them unnecessarily human or put in purely robot scenes that make humans uncomfortable.
Let’s look at the first point. Star Wars: the Clone Wars goes to great lengths to give battle droids personality. “But Threepio and Artoo have personality and they’re robots in Star Wars.” True, but not in the same way. Firstly, they are meant to be characters. Secondly, from a design stand point, they are designed to interact with humanoids. Thus there is the expectation that they would be more human-like in appearance and demeanor. Artoo doesn’t fit this criteria but gets as pass based on the fact that he is a good guy. The problem with battle droids is that they are meant to be machines of death and destruction. Why on earth would you give that a personality, much less a goofy comic relief personality? In case you aren’t familiar with the Clone Wars series, the droids have discussions among themselves about what is going on and chastise each other for incompetence. I personally think that they shouldn’t talk to each other and if they need to vocalize, it should be tactical information delivered to non-robot commanders. Seems a waste of time for them to talk at all when they could transmit data at super speeds. Also, on some level, they are meant to be cannon fodder so it seems to be a huge waste of resources to give them all personalities. Getting back to my point, battle droids should be scary to kids; a never ending march of automotons bringing death. They shouldn’t be the comic relief. The makers could learn a lot from the Terminator movies. Those are some badass silent killing machines!
My second point is robots doing robot things that would be creepy if humans did them. The mark of any good film is that the characters are relatable no matter their circumstances. This gets weird when you consider robot characters. In a good film, you stop thinking of them as machines and more as organic creatures. Which is all well and fine until you have robots scavenging parts from other characters. To put it in organic terms: if I was walking down the street and saw someone fall over dead and went over and removed their hand in case I needed it later, i would be locked up for a very long time. The first time I really came across this sort of robotic cannibalism was in the fox animated movie, Robots. The scene I described happens in the movie except that it was robots. As long as they are just robots it’s fine, but once you start thinking of them as people, it all falls apart.
What happens when you have both of these scenarios in one movie? You have Micheal Bay’s Transformers franchise. Bay attempts to give the robots personality and human behaviors so you see them as living creatures and then mutilates them horribly. After seeing the second one, I’ll never look at Optimus Prime the same again. It’s not so much that he acts out of character or overly goofy. We are expected to look past all of the hyper violence because it’s between robots and not organic characters. In the first movie, Megatron tears Jazz in half on screen (which, while ultra violent, was at least done by a bad guy). Bumblebee has his legs blown off and Prime stabs a Decepticon through the throat and decapitates him. At the time I didn’t really think much of it. They just took the knock out brawls of the original series and made them more adult. Then I saw the second one.
[SPOILER ALERT]
In this one, Bay cranked up the level of robot violence. Prime uses hooks to rip someone’s face off. Not only that but you have the robots spurting “blood” when punched, and getting “teeth” knocked out. The ultimate scene is at the end when Prime punches the Fallen’s face off, punches through his chest, and crushes his beating “heart” in his hand. Now I’m not saying that I would have prefered a movie where the final showdown involved long discussions about feelings and then a group hug, but I wasn’t expecting to see what I saw. Also, I’m not under any pretensions that the original transformers series wasn’t violent but it was mostly laser gunfights and bare knuckle brawling. The worst that could happen was someone was “knocked out” but was back for more in next week’s episode. More importantly, I wouldn’t have expected this kind of conduct by the leader of the Autobots. They are supposed to be the paragons of good and fair play not ultraviolent killing machines. I don’t know if I can see Prime as a hero to be idolized after this. That makes me sad in ways I can’t even begin to count. My inner child is cowering in the corner, weeping in fear of Optimus Prime.
This Week in Normality — Our Childhoods, Raped and Otherwise
Jul 31st
When I was in kindergarten (and Jezmon can verify this, by the way) my teacher (Mrs. Stevens) called me “Duke” because I insisted she do so (and she continued to until jr. high). Duke, of course, was my favorite character from GI Joe. To say that, as a young lad, I was liked GI Joe would be like saying “yeah, the universe is big.”
It might be a true statement, but it misses the point entirely.
I’m grown up now, of course, and I wasn’t anticipating a film incarnation of the Joes as much as I once did, say, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, but I was still excited about it…
Until I saw the trailer…and the accelerator suits.
It didn’t dawn on me at the time but, don’t the Joes, in their accelerator suits, remind you of Megaman? Seriously, did no one realize that one of the things that was so great about the Joes is that they ALL LOOKED DIFFERENT? They might as well be fucking clone warriors in those fucking suits. Seriously, why are they even calling this a GI Joe movie?
I full expect that Dr. Wily will be part of the Cobra team if (gods please no!) a sequel is made. It seems that, just as hollywood has decided to co-opt the comics world for its ravenous appetite, there really are no sacrosanct memories from our formative years.
This week, dear readers, Normality Restored presents to you:
A consideration of how the Wheel of Time will end, by Stoker.
Tengu takes a low priced trip down PC Gaming Nostalgia Way…and you can too!
Jezmon discusses recent uses of robots in Clone Wars and the latest film in the Transformers franchise.
Mustardseed recounts for us a tale from his formative years.
And I present to you the most formative text of my pre-teen years and ask that all filmmakers leave it the hell alone.
We hope you enjoy this, Our Childhoods, Raped and Otherwise, edition of Normality Restored.
This Week in Normality — Suck It Comic Con
Jul 24th
I’m going to write this not as a long time Comic Con attendee, that particular take on the subject is covered (with much more insight than I could) by our own Stoker, but as a person who loves comics in general and, you know, expects that during the week of the biggest comic convention in the world could actually get some news on, you know, fucking comics!
Go ahead and open up another browser window, slide on over to google and type in “comic con news.” What kind of hits do you get?
Shit about the stupid ass New Moon panel and there was a 30 second clip from Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, and OH MY GOD! Johnny Depp was there…UNANNOUNCED!
Not to belabor the point that Stoker already made but, who the fuck cares?
I once wrote an open letter to Hollywood in which I made the analogy that we, the greater nerd populace, are nerds (OK, not a great analogy all the way around) and that you, Hollywood, are like the cute blond with big boobs who always got us to do your physics homework. You exploit what we really hold dear for opening weekend profits and we come back time and again.
I think the problem really comes down to the fact that, as nerds, we’ve always been jealous and afraid of the cool kids while at the same time, wanting to be them. I’d say that since the release of the first X-Men film, when Hollywood realized what a cash cow they had in the form of live action comic franchises, nerds all over the world have begun to believe that Hollywood (truly the coolest collection of people on the planet) cares about us.
They don’t.
You know for every Watchmen, or Dark Knight, or Sin City, we also get Ghost Rider, and X-Men 2 and 3. When filmmakers who are good, and care about comics, get involved then, sure we can get a kick ass movie, but we can also get Elektra.
It’s not worth it.
It’s not worth it because we are not their collective bitch…or, we are, but we don’t have to be.
Save Comic-Con
Jul 24th
I have been going to Comic-Con since I was thirteen years old. I remember my first Comic Con very vividly. It was one of the greatest experiences I had ever had at that young age. The San Diego Convention Center was a place where the true comic book fans could go and talk comics, a place to buy, and sell, and trade. A place where one of the most misunderstood mediums was given the reverence it deserved. I have noticed bumper stickers all over the roads in recent years that say things like “Save the Rainforest,” “Save the Polar Bears,” and “Save Trestles.” I think that it is time a new sticker was added to this list, “Save Comic Con.” The one place where comic book fans could go and have fun and speak about their passion for comics without being ridiculed for it, has been turned into nothing more than a place for Hollywood and the media to come try to pimp their new products and point and laugh at the pasty freaks.
The big studios have essentially taken over Comic Con in the past few years; for that they should be ashamed. They have perverted something that was once pure. If the product does not relate to comic books, it should not be at a convention where the first word in the title is Comic. A quick glance at the list of panels for this year reveals tons of things that do not belong at the convention. Let me begin with the slate of films. Those who go to Comic Con this year will be treated to material from the new films “Zombieland,” “Boondock Saints 2”, “2012” and, of course, “Twilight: New Moon”. Not a single one of these films should be at this convention. Don’t get me wrong, I am thoroughly excited to see the first two films, and have no interest what so ever in the second two, but none of them, no matter how I feel about them, should be at the convention
Next up is television. I know for a fact that there are tones of guys lining up to see what Anna Paquin has to say about this season of “True Blood,” (once again not a fan watched some episodes, read “Living Dead in Dallas,” didn’t like any of it). Fox will be there shilling it’s new T.V. show “Glee” which I saw the first episode of and really liked a lot, this may be due in large part to the fact that I was in show choir when I was in High School but the fact of the matter is that it doesn’t have anything to do with comic books and therefore it does not belong at Con.
After leaving the convention last year I was so dejected and so upset that I swore I would never again buy a full pass to the convention. The comics had become tertiary, with retailers forced to the dark fringes of the floor. This week I was reading an article in the new Entertainment Weekly which posed the question has Comic Con alienated its base. To this I say a resounding yes. There is nothing more frustrating then being unable to search for that rare comic book gem while being accosted by a bunch of media crews attempting to get the scoop an the newest fad. The comic book fan has been made to feel like an outcast at our own convention. I hope that this years con will be better but am certain it will not be as for last years convention I give it….
1/5 - Basic shite.
Oh, have ye seen them sweet, fabled lands!
Jul 24th
Neil Gaiman came across Japanese Filmmaker Hayao Miyazaki outside of the the restaurant he was having dinner at. When I read things like that, I wonder what else happens at Comic Con? You see, I have never attended. Oh I’m sure it will happen one day. In the meantime, I dream about what the experience might be like. I sit here now and I picture what that itinerary might be like for a single day, from the moment I wake up until I’m laying in my bed back at the hotel.
Are the walls lined with the pages of every issue of my favorite comic books, pasted in proper sequential order so I can follow the story to my bed as I head to my room?
Do you get your own personal storm trooper who walks you to meet all of your favorite artists and writers, carrying your box full of signed memorabilia with his Standard Imperial Issue High Power Blaster Rifle, Quickshot model, hanging from his shoulder and whistling “Rain drops keep falling on my head?”
And when you’re tired and you want to unwind at the end of the day, before you go to sleep, is there a pub where a giant green man as tall as the ceiling and wearing a vest and a bow tie pours your drink and serves it to you at that perfect temperature that brings out the full flavor? “Two’s the limit here, friend,” he says to you, “the perfect amount you may have without the risk of losing your temper. This place wouldn’t be magical if you saw it when you’re angry.” Does he laugh and then direct you to look at the stage, and behold, Hugh Jackman is standing there dressed as Wolverine, with his claws sticking out as everyone claps while he kicks his legs from side to side and presents to the audience his work in progress, “Bell Kicks for Raging Cannucks!”
Does your storm trooper fluff your pillow before you go to bed at night, and set an extra mint by your pillow so you won’t have to worry that your breath smells like bantha fodder for too long after you wake up?
Maybe I’ll find out one day. You’re welcome to tell me, but I won’t believe you until I see it for myself.
Read This Late at Night, or a Review of “The Strain”
Jul 21st
I’ll just start by saying that what follows includes a boatload of spoilers. In considering this book, however, I can’t think of a way in which to review it that doesn’t include spoilers, so there you are. Well, OK, if you just want a semi-objective, though not terribly useful, device by which to judge the book, I’ll give you my rating right now…
3/5 - Might be worth a try...
So now, for those who don’t care about spoilers, let’s get into the heart of the matter. I find the 3 unicorn rating of NR similar to the 3 stars employed by Roger Ebert. Ebert has said that the 3 star review is the least useful because it can mean so many things. People, however, tend to like things quantified, and so there you get a rating that doesn’t really tell one much about the book/film/comic at hand.
That said, The Strain is written by Chuck Hogan and Guillermo Del Toro.
I’ve never read anything by Hogan, though I’m tangentially familiar with his work, but Del Toro is one of my favorite filmmakers, and Pan’s Labyrinth is, with no hyperbole, one of the best fantasy films ever made. So, I was at least excited about the prospect of reading this book.
Spoiler 1: It’s about vampires.
That’s not much of a spoiler since the back of the book says something like…”Vampires. They’ve always been here, living in secret.” Or some such.
Spoiler 2: Vampires invade Manhattan.
Well, one “Master” vampire travels over from Europe and starts by infecting a plane load of passengers…
Spoiler 3: Vampirism is a virus.
I say, “infected” because, if the title didn’t give it away, in this telling of vampires, they operate by transmitting a virus from themselves to human hosts via something the protagonists call “blood worms.” The virus, in a fairly interesting take on it, actually changes the nature of the infected host and eventually does away with the human vital organs and changes the body into nothing more than a series of chambers set up to drink human blood. Plus, once infected the new vampire grows a stinger like appendage that shoots out of the vampires mouth and it what is used to drink the blood of humans/turn new vampires.
Spoiler 4: Anyone who is “bitten” turns.
Whether or not one dies from the “bite,” he/she will wake on the next nightfall and be a vampire.
All these spoilers are important in that the nature of the vampires plays directly into the expertise of the protagonist, Ephraim Goodweather, a special epidemiologist with the CDC who deals in terrorist attacks and high level viral outbreaks.
Of course, Eph isn’t the only one trying to hunt down the rogue “master” vampire and, in fact, is recruited by Setrakian, a concentration camp survivor and interesting homage to Van Helsing. Late in the book (too late for my taste) a third “hunter” joins the party in the form of Vasily Fet, a NYC rat catcher with a unique skill set as pertains to the underground warrens of NY and how to infiltrate and destroy vermin.
The big problem with the book, for me, is that I did not realize until, oh about 20 pages from the end, that it was just the first installment of a trilogy. I was reading it as a story that would be concluded when the book was done and, as such, had made a number of judgments regarding the narrative along the way; they spent too much time investigating the plane, Setrakian took too long to act, why didn’t Vasily show up sooner, etc.
All of these, of course, can be answered with a simple “this was only 1/3 of the story.”
Lastly, I’ll say that this book didn’t scare me.
OK, so only two books have ever actually scared me: Demons by John Shirley and Mind Parasites by Colin Wilson. I did have hopes, being as this is Guillermo Del Toro we’re talking about, that this one would have been the third.
As vampire stories go, it isn’t bad. The quick gestation period of the newly infected adds an element of impending doom that you don’t quite get in other vampire tales…as extrapolating out the number over just a few nights has nearly all of the burrough of Bronx infected. Lastly, newly infected vampires have an overwhelming urge to go and bite their “dear ones,” those people that they loved in life, which makes the infection particularly insidious and many of the bits of the first book are people being confronted by their newly vampiric loved ones.
We Need Your Help! Save Nerd Love 2009! UPDATED – FINAL RESULTS!
Jul 19th
SaveNerdLove2009 Finale!
The results are in! We did it! Jump over to the actual SaveNerdLove2009 Event Page for details and Thank You’s and everything else! Hurry, go! Go! Go!
http://halfdeadunicorn.com/save-nerd-love-2009/
Much love,
–Aleister
“Chew” on this.
Jul 17th
This week we are talking about epic deaths and “Chew” #1 has one of the most disturbing death moments I think I have ever seen in a comic. Written by John Layman, “Chew” follows the exploits of beat cop Tony Chu. Tony is Cibopathic which means that he can tell the history of anything that he eats. Chu can see the moment an apple is ripped from its tree, taste the second a cow is slaughtered etc. It is this unique skill that makes Chu one of the most valuable members of the P.D.
The comic takes place in a world where the sale of fowl has been outlawed due to an outbreak of avian flu. Tony and his partner, John Colby, are seen staking out a restaurant that makes its money through illegal sales of chicken. After attempting to bust some of the restaurant’s patrons to little avail, F.D.A. agent Mason Savoy, head of the poultry task force, tells Chu and Colby to go inside the restaurant and have something to eat .
Chu sits down to a tasty meal of chicken soup only to find that the man who made the delectable meal is actually a mass murderer. This leads to a chase through the rest of the comic and the chef’s suicide. It is at this point that “Chew” goes from camp fun to dark and grim and wonderful. In order to find out the names of all of the murderer’s victims Chu must do the unthinkable…eat the man’s face. That’s right, Chu eats his face!!!!!!!
Layman has a skill for the slow build, for about the first three pages of this comic book I wasn’t convinced. I mean, yeah, it seemed fun and cute but for three bucks, I wasn’t sure I was going to buy issue two. Then it took a turn I didn’t really see coming and that has convinced me to put this on my mental pull list.
The art by Rob Guillory functions well as a cartoony juxtaposition of the tale. The book could have been filled with dark heavily cross hatched panels and deep colors but instead it is bright and simple. It is this art that makes the dark moments that much more evil, like a monster under the bed invading a child’s room.
In the end “Chew” is a great read with excellent art. I am looking forward to issue 2.
4/5 - Nearly classic!
Top 10 Epic Comic Book Deaths
Jul 17th
Any comic book reader knows that characters die at the drop of a hat. Featured below is a countdown of the 10 most epic comic book deaths. The list below is comprised of deaths that really count, the shockers, the deaths that haunt the reader. So without further ado…
10 Edsel: Mage
Edsel functioned as Kevin Matchstick’s squire in Matt Wagner’s epic comic book “Mage”. She was always ready to serve and protect her leader. Her great downfall came in the line of duty throwing herself on a mystical bullet of sorts to protect Kevin. Edsel’s sacrifice was not in vain however since it allowed Kevin to defeat the malicious Umber sprite.
9) The Joker: The Dark Knight Returns
I know that this is by far one of the most spoken about epic death moments ever, but it sits at the bottom of this list because it is a moment that is outside of standard continuity. The Joker, as all comic fans know, is the epitome of all evil. After being paralyzed by Batman in Frank Miller’s legendary comic, the clown prince of crime forces his broken neck just the few inches more it takes to sever his spinal cord and frame the Dark Knight for murder. Now that’s commitment!
Agent 355: Y: The Last ManIn the most heartbreaking moment in the entire series, Yorick Brown professes his love for protector 355. Everything is right in the world, the concern for saving mankind has been resolved and it is time for 355 to retire. Just as she and Yorick come to terms with their mutual feelings for each other she catches a snipers bullet in the “All Quiet on The Western Front Style” Leaving Yorick Holding the broken limp body of his one true love in his arms.
7) John Hartigan: Sin City: That Yellow Bastard
Hartigan is the hardest of all cops on the beat. After years of solitary and physical rehabilitation he finds himself protecting the one thing he has a soft spot for, Sin City’s own stripper with a heart of gold Nancy Callahan. After protecting Nancy from the evil Jr. Roark the only way that Hartigan can be sure she will be safe is blow his own brains all over the black and white page.
6) All Father D’Aronique: Preacher
We are talking Epic Death here and there are few that are more epic than the fate that befalls All Father D’Aronique. The all father meets his untimely demise at the hands of preacher villain Herr Starr. The massive D’Aronique is dropped from a helicopter to splatter satisfactorily on the cement below. It isn’t just his death though but the death of on a couple of soldiers and the last scion of Jesus Christ that he lands on in the process.
5) Morpheus: The Sandman
We all knew that it was coming. Even though he was one of the Endless, it was made clear on several occasions that they were not immune to death. Yet it is the quite dignified way that Morpheus is taken away that makes the whole thing so sad. As a reader it feels like losing an old friend or mentor and any reader just like the characters Morpheus is survived by would not be human if he or she did not feel the sting of the dream kings replacement by Daniel.
4) Mr. Hyde: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
In the second volume of League, Hyde really came into his own. Shown to be nothing more than a blood thirsty monster in the first arc, Alan Moore gives the reader greater insight into the workings of Hyde’s mind. Hyde sacrifices himself to buy the League time as they try to beat the Martians. The thing that is amazing is that the hulking murder makes note of the fact that he is not concerned with anything other than bloodshed and that he will be mistakenly seen as noble and noble he does appear.
3) Eben Oleamun: 30 Days of NightEben succumbs to a fate worse than death in Steve Nile’s and Ben Templesmith’s vampire story. In order to protect his town and family Eben must become what he is trying to fight. Knowing full well that he will become an out of control blood sucker, Eben chooses instead to watch the sun rise with wife Stella after a month of darkness, as they have so many years before. The chilling last page of Stella sitting alone on a hill after the disintegration of the vampiric Eben is the most shocking of all of the images contained within the comic.
2) Rorschach: Watchmen
His commitment to truth is his undoing. The true hero of Watchmen finds his end at the tip of Dr. Manhattan’s finger. I am almost incapable of saying anything other than heart wrenching. No one who has read this comic will forget the look on Rorschach’s face as he screams at Manhattan to “Do It!”.
1) Jason Todd: Batman: A death in the Family
Jason Todd was, by far, the most hated of Batman’s sidekicks and I know that many will disagree with this as the number one most epic comic book death but there is one thing that makes this death unique. After being beaten close to death with a crowbar by the Joker, Jason is left in a warehouse with a ticking bomb. Batman readers were left to choose the fate of the new Boy Wonder by calling one of two 800 numbers. After the calls were tabulated it was found that Jason was voted dead, the bomb exploded and The Dark Knight’s sidekick went up with it. This was not a murder by a random psychopath, as the comic world would have you believe, no this was a hate crime committed by Batman fans all over this land, and that is why it is the most epic comic book death of all time.
Of Gods and Men of Tomorrow (Abridged): Thoughts on DC Comics’ FINAL CRISIS
Jul 17th
Cover artwork for Final Crisis #4
Grant Morrison should not be constrained. He called Final Crisis his ‘magnum opus,’ and if you stand back and simply look at the story, you would have to agree that was his intention. A story about the fight for either existence or non-existence. There is time travel. There is inter-dimensional travel. There are gods and deicide and even the sky cracking in limbo. However, the story reads like an abridged edition of an epic I wanted to enjoy. Even with the series being printed with extra pages per issue, character development is still rushed. Morrison cuts from scene to scene very quickly, which is something that can be used to affect a reader when working with a smaller cast. This is not a small cast, though. The DC Universe is replete with characters, each with their own complex and interwoven mythologies. I’ll admit I’m more of a casual fan of the DC Universe and, therefore, many of the character references didn’t register with me. Yet it’s not the history of these characters that I need to be familiar with, as far as who they fought in what issue and so forth. Morrison is also known for inserting mind-bending concepts into his work. It’s a difficult balance to strike between character and plot development, as well as finding room for concepts such as “quantum superposition used defensively.”
There is an issue that focuses on the “Tattooed Man” and “Black Lightning.” The former is a “villain” and the latter is a “superhero.” There are chases and action in the issue, yet the main focus is the interaction between these two characters and their views on themselves and on one another. The Tattooed Man holds a prejudice against superheroes. He’s been wrongly incarcerated. He reflects on this and his treatment by the superhero community. “Black Lightning” confronts these views and the narrative focuses on two men with different points of view trying to communicate with one another. The action doesn’t always upstage them. The series is at its best when the characters aren’t upstaged by the plot and the action and the need to fit all of this in a set number pages, and instead are allowed to breathe. Then they are allowed to affect us.
There were times where I wanted more of this. I wanted to be more invested in these characters and, therefore, be able to fully experience and enjoy all of Grant Morrison’s work. Perhaps there’s an expanded edition out there? That’s wishful thinking, I know. I also know Grant Morrison is capable of delivering this kind of experience to a reader. His run on X-Men was over thirty issues. His All Star Superman series about what the last son of Krypton decides to do with the last year of his life affected me in a way I didn’t expect. It made me remember who Superman was and why I cared about what happened to him when I was a kid. Final Crisis could have used more room for a man like Grant Morrison, with so much coming out of his mind.
3/5 - Might be worth a try...
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Jul 17th
This week’s theme is epic deaths. Coincidentally, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince comes out this week as well. In case you haven’t read the book and have been living under a Harry Potter-free rock, a very major and epic character dies at the end of it. I’ll try not to spoil it.
For the uninitiated, this is the 6th movie in the series and shows us the sixth year that Harry and Classmates spend at Hogwarts school of withcraft and wizardry. Evil is on the rise in the wizarding world to the point of it spilling out into the muggle world. Harry returns to school ready to learn the knowledge needed to finally defeat Lord Voldemort. Anyone who has read the books knows this is the very short, short set up for the book/movie.
This movie is easily my favorite of the series thus far. It blends and balances humor, adolescent awkwardness, drama, and suspense together practically perfectly. You have the main characters acting like normal teenagers with all the pitfalls of hormones, dating, and snogging (make-out sessions for the yanks). So the best parts are…in no particular order: humor, Slughorn, Snape, and Malfoy. Let’s break it down.
The humor in this movie is appropriate and well timed and executed. Some of you may remember my review of Ice Age 3. One of my main complaints was that the humor was too vulgar for a kid’s movie. This movie, by contrast, has a couple of “mature” jokes but they are subtle in the way British humor can be with more wit and layers of meaning. Let me give you an example. Ron is trying out for the quidditch team. He is competing against a bigger, jockier Cormac McLaggen for the keeper position. They are also showing off for the girls in the audience. Cormac is given what seems to be an overly large and girthy broomstick while Ron has a more modest model. Now had the makers of Ice Age made this movie, an attractive female character would probably offer to wax Cormac’s broomstick and Ron’s broomstick would droop (magically) in disappointment. As you can see, the same comparison of broomsticks to genitals was made but Harry Potter comes out on top for subtlety and tact. The humor in this movie stems from the awkwardness of youth. That time in your life when you start to notice members of the opposite sex. I don’t really want to spoil too many of the jokes but I will say that the scenes with Lavender Brown are awesome. That girl has some comedic chops. The last thing I’ll say about the humor is that it does a good job of lightening the mood away from some of the heavier events happening around it. In some films, humor can be disjointed and off putting, breaking the tension and losing the audience. This movie has none of that. You go from serious to funny and back again without losing focus or flow of narrative.
The acting performances stood out in this film. The films have always been a who’s who of classically trained British actors from Alan Rickman to Maggie Smith and this installment is no exception. The new addition to the cast this time around is Jim Broadbent as potions teacher, Professor Slughorn. Broadbent plays the role almost exactly as I pictured him while I was reading the book. You get a real sense of someone who carries a very deep shame and regret and is fighting to keep it a secret. All the other actors give the same quality performances that we have come to expect from them. I do want to give specific kudos to a couple of performers, Alan Rickman, and Tom Felton. Rickman is given quite a few more scenes in this one and pretty much steals any scene he’s in. He even steals scenes where he’s just in the background as you can just imagine what his character is thinking. Oh the scorn and disgust. As a disclaimer, I have been a huge fan of Rickman’s work since Die Hard and Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. The other performance that bears mention is Tom Felton as Draco Malfoy. This time around Malfoy is given whole new levels of character. He really moves from being just a jerky bully to that borderline between evil and good. You really see him struggle with the task he has to complete. Nowhere is it more apparent than in the final scenes. If you’ve read the book you know what I’m talking about. Felton plays it just like the character would, given all that’s happened so far. Not to leave them out, the main actors are good as well. This cast has really matured well as the movies go along. The movies get more complex and so do their performances.
What’s not so good you ask?
Harry Potter purists may take offense at all the material left out of the film. But that wasn’t my problem. I’ve always seen the films as a supplement to the books. The only problem I had was the lack of half blood prince storyline. In case you haven’t read the book, Harry comes into the possession of a potions textbook that was once owned by a self proclaimed “half blood prince” (hbp). Hpb left thorough notes in the margin of said textbook that basically carry Harry through potions class. In the end, Harry becomes very attached to the book and begins to relate to the character of hbp. Then he finds out who it is and is shaken by the revelation. The problem the film had was that it didn’t have the time to develop the relationship Harry had with hbp. So, the revelation at the end feels very tacked on and out of left field. If they could have gotten away with it, the makers might have been better off to drop some of it and then rename the movie. Really that’s a small complaint in a film this good. I will say one thing, though. If you haven’t read the books or seen the movies in a while you may want to get caught up a little before seeing this film so that you can remind yourself of all the characters.
So far I’ve done a pretty good job of avoiding spoilers. From now on I will be spoiling parts of the movie/book as I discuss some of the departures from the source material.
I’m going to put in my unicorn rating here. That way you can get my overall impression without reading the spoilers ahead.
5/5 - Punched in the face by AWESOME!
Okay so what did they change? Not too much, other than leaving some stuff out. I’m not going to discuss all that was left out more what they changed.
The opening is completely different. Instead of Dumbledore coming to pick up Harry at the Dursleys, he instead picks up Harry in a subway station. I don’t know what the reason for this was other than to move the story along a little faster. You don’t have the interaction between Dumbledore and Harry’s extened family. This may not seem significant except that it set up a couple things in the final film, such as the reason for Petunia’s utter dislike of all things magical even though her sister was a witch.
The filmmakers actually do add a scene into the film. This is the first time that anything has been added to the stories. Everyone is celebrating Christmas at the Weasley’s home when they are attacked by death eaters. They fly in, start some fires, rattle their sticks, and fly out. Over all this scene seems unnecessary. We know death eaters are jerks. We really don’t need this scene to prove it. It does show that no one is safe from their attacks, though, and that may have been the point.
The ending also has some odd differences from the book. I’ll take them in order. Harry is not in the room when Dumbledore is killed. Dumbledore tells him to hide below and not to make any noise. I thought this was an interesting choice. I think, in a way, it draws a parallel between Harry and Malfoy. Malfoy is charged with killing Dumbledore and does it out of a fear of death. Harry must sit back and watch it all happen and not interfere and he does it out of loyalty and devotion to Dumbledore. It also serves to galvanize Harry into taking out Voldemort as he, Harry, now has some guilt over his inability to save Dumbledore. After killing Dumbledore, Snape and the death eaters just walk out of Hogwarts. In the book, there was more of a to do. They had an actual fight with the faculty and students. I’m not sure why they did it this way other than the book ending would have been costly in stunts and effects. Hopefully they will redeem themselves with the fight at the end of the seventh book. Lastly, the movie seems to end before Dumbledore’s funeral. My hope is that they will open the first part of the seventh movie with the funeral. I guess I could live without the funeral scene but it would have been a nice tribute to the character of Dumbledore. I know the movies are about Harry but Dumbledore is the Gandalf of the Harry Potter universe.
So that’s my take on the new movie. Next week, I should be back on some Star Wars related content.