So it occurred to me last night, as I was watching the second episode of Harper’s Island (which, if you want to watch both episodes 1 and 2 in their entirety, you can can do so here), that while I’m not totally insane crazy about this show I’m interested enough after two episodes to invest another 11 hours of my life to find out who the crazy SOB is that’s offing people like it’s going out of style.

That being the case, I have decreed that I will now write a weekly “wrap up” of each episode until the curtain falls on the series.

I’m not going to go into a detailed synopsis of all the characters though because

1. I don’t have that kind of time
2. Someone else already did so you can read about all 25 characters at this link

I will, however, be talking specifically about what happens in each episode and give my theories regarding the events therein. That’s a long winded way of saying SPOILER ALERT, so if you don’t want to know nothing, don’t read no further.

First off, let’s consider that two episodes in, 5 people have been killed.

1. Cousin Ben
2. Uncle Marty
3. Priest Dude
4. Kelly Seaver
5. Lucy Daramour

Each of these killings can, I think, be classed as either Premeditated Killings or Serendipitous Killings. Don’t get me wrong, whoever the killer is, he/she wants to kill a boat load of people, but two of these murders are particularly different than the others.

Cousin Ben, the first person murdered, is strapped to the bottom of a boat (with an air tank) so that his body is chopped to pieces when the wedding party sets out for the island. That isn’t something that happens by chance. Kelly Seaver, (like Abby, a child of one of Wakefield’s original six victims) is found hung to death in her home. Since the murder occurred in her home, it seems likely the killer actually went to her house with the intention of killing her.

Now the other three victims, Uncle Marty, Priest Dude, and Lucy Daramour all seem to have been victims of chance. Uncle Marty is walking on a bridge that collapses underneath him, and while he is struggling to free himself his legs are chopped off from below. Priest Dude is walking out in the woods when a rope snare pulls him upside down. A few seconds later someone comes along and removes his head. Lucy Daramour is walking out in the woods (looking for her stupid little dog…note to everyone, little dogs are nothing but trouble) when she collapses a dead fall. Someone soon happens by and pours gas on her before dropping a lit match into the pit.

Now, certainly, the killer could have been specifically targeting all three of these victims, but on the day Lucy and Priest Dude die, the wedding party is conducting a scavenger hunt across the island. One assumes the killer is aware of the wedding party’s doings, and thus, setting up rope snares and pit falls would likely result in random people getting trapped…and then murdered. And while Uncle Marty got it before the scavenger hunt, he wasn’t the only person to cross the bridge, so it was only a matter of time before it gave way, and it would be difficult to know just when, exactly, that might occur.

So we have five murders, three happened randomly/organically, while two appear to have been planned. If the murderer were simply trying to pick off everybody one by one, then it likely wouldn’t matter when any particular person got axed. And we could even say that poor Cousin Ben might have been a random killing since we don’t know the context in which the killer apprehended him and strapped him to the bottom of the boat. But Kelly Seaver, having been hung in her own living room, was sought out. So this appears to be the one murder, so far, that gives any clues to the killer’s identity.

There are obvious characters (the dead one’s) we can assume are not the killer. Madison Allen, the bride’s niece, while being considerably more disturbing than an 11 year old should be, probably didn’t abduct a full grown man and strap him to the bottom of a boat. And, since we’re only two episodes in, we haven’t gotten a full picture of all the wedding party yet, so maybe the killer has yet to get good screen time. With that in mind, then, I will only consider those characters who have received a decent amount of screen time or seem important thus far.

-Henry Dunn – The groom, and former summer resident of the island. So far, he seems a little suspicious of his fiancee (having found an old boyfriend’s number in her cell phone), concerned for his wreck of a human brother, and generally is the “good guy.” Man it sure would be great if he were the killer but, no it just ain’t going to happen.

  • Likelihood of being the killer = <5%

-Abby Mills – Henry’s friend from the island whose mom was one of Wakefield’s six victims. She’s the center of the show, emotionally, and (I think) the murderers ultimate target.

  • Likelihood of being the killer = negative percent

-Trish Wellington – Henry’s fiancee might be a cheating ho’ bag, but has no motivation to be offing people left and right.

  • Likelihood of being the killer = <1%

-Thomas Wellington – The father of the bride certainly is a douche as he brought Trish’s ex-boyfriend to the island in an attempt to stop the wedding, but would he start cutting people in half (including one of Trish’s bridesmaids)?

  • Likelihood of being the killer = <10%

-Hunter Jennings – Trish’s old boyfriend shows up on the island at the request of Mr. Wellington. Really, he just wants in Trish’s pants.

  • Likelihood of being the killer =<5%

-Cal Vandeusen – The British doctor is the boyfriend of a bridesmaid (Chloe) and spent a good deal of episode two hanging in a rope snare. I really see no reason why he’d kill people, but it is odd that he was in a rope snare and didn’t lose a head. Let’s call him a dark horse contender.

  • Likelihood of being the killer = 25%

-Sherrif Charlie Mills – Abby’s father and the one who shot and killed John Wakefield. He sent Abby off the island afterward. He would know the island better than most, and might have motive. Losing his wife and being estranged from his daughter for years might have cost him his sanity…who knows.

  • Likelihood of being the killer = 25%

-Shane Pierce – Lives on the island, and is best friend to Jimmy Mance, Abby’s ex boyfriend. He’s an ass and also knows the island well (he hunts dear on the island to keep their population in check) but it would be just too easy for him to be the killer.

  • Likelihood of being the killer = 10%

-J.D. Dunn – Henry’s younger brother has tatoos (he’s so emo!) a penchant for taking prescription drugs and got into a fist fight with Shane his first night back on the island. Plus, he was sleeping with Kelly before she was killed in her home. It’s so early, though, that he’d be too easy to finger at this point unless he throws the guilt somewhere else

  • Likelihood of being the killer =15%

-Nikki Bolton – Islander who owns a bar, was friends with Kelly (found her body actually) and is glad Abby is back. I guess there’s an outside chance she could be the killer…why the f not?

  • Likelihood of being the killer = <10%

-Groomsmen, Bridesmaids, Relatives, Wedding Staff – This covers a lot of people that haven’t gotten much screen time and, anyway, four of them have already been offed. I don’t think any of Trish’s family would be the killer, nor do I really buy any of the Groomsmen or Bridesmaids since they have no connection with the island (unless we just haven’t seen said connection yet). Plus, they have 11 more episodes to fill with murders and you have a list of 10 of these chumps still alive. Let the culling continue!

  • Likelihood of being the killer = 15% from a list of ten

-Jimmy Mance – Which leaves us with Jimmy. Shane goes out of his way to mention how heartbroken Jimmy was when Abby left the island. Jimmy also knows the island well, having grown up there. He also hunts on the island. Up to this point, he seems to be nothing more than a nice guy who still pines for the girl he loves. I don’t buy it. I think that he believes if the wedding never happens, then Abby will never leave the island again (remember, she’s only visiting to be a part of the wedding festivities). I have no basis for this theory at this point, but after only two episodes I don’t have much to go on here people! So, that’s my guess. Jimmy’s the killer.

Oh, and one other thing. Remember how I said that Kelly’s murder is the only one, thus far, we can say with certainty was targeted? Well, before Kelly is murdered Abby invites Kelly to come stay with her in LA. Kelly wants to escape the island like Abby did, and Abby is gracious enough to offer up a way for Kelly to get out. Who, out of everyone so far, would most want Abby not to go back to LA…Jimmy? Remember, Abby is the emotional center of the show…her mother was killed by Wakefield…everything centers on her so it makes sense for Jimmy to be the killer.

  • Likelihood of being the killer = 75%

April March — Deux Garcons Pour Une Fille infallible

By the way…I totally reserve the right to reverse my choice at any time…especially if Jimmy dies…

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