Apocalypse Sweet: Enrolling the Umbrella Academy.

Hey everyone out there in the world of wide web, Stoker here. It has come to my attention that the Hollywood wheels are turning on an adaptation of Gerard Way and Gabriel Ba’s incredibly intense comic book series The Umbrella Academy. The film is set for release in 2012. So, before too much has gone into the production of the film, I would like to throw my hat in the casting ring. For those who have read the comic, you already know that all of the lead characters in the Academy were born on the same day. Since it is a relative impossibility to cast actors born on the same day, I have attempted to do the next best thing by filling the cast with actors all born in the same year. The one exception of course is Number Five who, for various reasons, is still physically younger than the rest of the characters. All of the following actors were born in the year (1980) except for the one born in 1993. I hope you all like these casting choices.

Spaceboy – Chris Pine: As the leader of the team, Pine would be perfect. He is affable and has that square jawed look to make Space stand out. Space is one of those characters that needs to be both likeable and commanding at the same time. As the team’s leader, everything rests on his shoulders. The dichotomy of the future Captain Kirk’s head perched on an oversized gorilla body makes me smile. Just give him his futuristic laser blaster and he’s ready to lead.

Vanya – Christina Ricci: Vanya starts out sweet and a little bit awkward then turns into a raving lunatic out to destroy the world. Ricci has proven her dark streak over and over again in films like “Black Snake Moan” and “The Addams Family”. The audience has to feel a certain amount of sympathy for Vanya but Ricci has the range to make the whole thing work. Once taught how to play the violin, she will be ready to try to take the world down with a melody of disharmony. The coda is a killer.

Séance – Macaulay Culkin: Former child star Culkin disappeared off the map for almost a decade, only to return triumphantly in “Party Monster”. It’s his comedic turn in 2004’s “Saved”, however, that gets him this prime spot as the team’s wiseass. Culkin’s comedy has a very dark streak in it which fits the tone of the comic perfectly. After bringing his career back from the dead shouldn’t he get a chance try the trick with real people?

Kraken – Ben Foster: The team’s hot head needs to be played by someone both tough and likable. Foster has played likeable guys (X-Men: The Last Stand, The Punisher) and cold hearted murdering bastards (3:10 to Yuma, Alpha Dog). Kraken is the team’s requisite loner/brawler character. In “Alpha Dog”, Foster’s Jake Mazursky demolished a room of thugs in a matter of bone crunching seconds. Somewhere between that violence and the heroism of Angel from “X-Men: The Last Stand” is where the Kraken waits.

Rumor – Eliza Dushku: Rumor is the sultry slinky type able to make anyone do anything with just the words from her lips. Dushku has been doing that for over a decade as Faith in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and Echo in “Dollhouse”. It wouldn’t take much for Dushku to make an audience believe that anything she said would come true.

Number Five – Cameron Bright: Bright is a little older than Five appears to be but it would be simply too disturbing to watch anyone younger;\ do the things that Five does. As Joey Naylor in “Thank you for Smoking”, Bright proved he could play wise beyond his years; perfect for the time traveling Number Five. All that is missing now is his black and grey argyle sweater.

Stoker